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Review:LovelyMioneWeasley says:
You're thinking about that night are you?"-- I think you mean 'aren't you at the end of the sentence.

Hi there, LMW from the forums with your request chapter review and I thought I could pop over and fit in one more before bedtime tonight. I think you did a really good job introducing this story.

The beginning is SO short though that there isn't much established so I don't feel like I have much to comment on. Its good writing; thats for sure, but you don't really have any flow since its under 900 words. There is no pacing to worry about since its only one real scene for the reader.

Pansy and Draco aren't mentioned enough for me to decide if they are OOC or not; I am also not quite sure of the time period or the surroundings beyond if it could be canon or not.

I like what I read. But I would definitely have to read more to give you any advice I fear. My best advice would be to add a bit more description intermingled with you dialgoue perhaps. Also, to add some length so I can read more. Because I'm intrigued.

LMW

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