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Review:kirstenalanna says:
kirstenalanna from the forums here!

Alright- review time!!

Characterization:
Your characters were well developed, however, I felt them a little shallow. It's hard with one shots to write very deep characters that resonate with readers, but it can be done. When there is dialogue add descriptions of facial expressions, tone influction etc. Also, show how the character is feeling, don't tell.

Plot:
This story makes me wonder why Rose broke it off with poor Scorp. I sympathise with Scorpius (I'm not sure if that's where you were going with it.)

Readability:
It was readable. There were a few grammar/ punctuation slipups (watch dialogue punctuation) that were slightly distracting and a few awkward jumps and descriptions but other than that it was very readable.

Overall:
Good job! Keep writing :)

kirstenalanna

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing so quickly!

'Show how the character is feeling, don't tell.' - that's a brilliant piece of advice,and reading back on my story, I can see what you mean.

I deliberately kept it vague about why Rose broke up with Scorpius. And yes, I'm glad you sympathised with him. :)

Thanks again!

-Sophia x


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