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Review:libby103 says:
Hey!

Originally very intimidated by the size of this fic, but it went by quickly (time speeds up when you're having fun!) and was worth it!

Don't mean to be a drag, but in canon, Arthur was the only Weasley during Marauder times. I got the vibe you were mentioning Molly's brothers, Gideon and Fabian, but they were Prewetts... Perhaps some other brothers of Arthur's that were never mentioned? Then again, he's always seemed to be an only child...

The narrative was good for the most part. Sirius has his little jokes inserted here and there to retain his Marauder status. However, I could've done with a bit more description. More description would've let in the oppurtunity to put more of Sirius' character in there, to develop his character more. To point out some specifics about his character, I sometimes felt he wasn't the same Marauder I've grown accustomed to seeing; suave, charming, quick on his feet, etc.

I am very iffy on Cora's character (though I adore her name! Not meaning to be superficial here...)
First off, I do feel that you rushed her and Sirius' meeting. Yes, I get that she's one of those perfectionist, in a hurry, straightforward types (am I right on that? If I am, I like that part about her, that's actually a very good basis of personality for a good character) However, I just find it very strange that she would quickly let Sirius into her house/life. Especially since her hurried way of speaking indicates that she's not too afraid of the consequences of jinxing someone who crosses her.
Second of all, there's a flaw in her story. Voldemort's influence is already gone. (in this point in the HP books, the world is not notified of his return until the 4th book and most do not believe until the 5th) Why hasn't her and her parents returned to the magical world again?
Third of all, I dislike that you made her Marlene McKinnon's cousin (after reading further, I see there is some purpose to them being cousins as Sirius alludes to having loved Marlene, but still...) No, that's not the part I dislike about that...(though, I do hate how you had her describe Marlene as the "golden girl of gryffindor," I've always considered that Lily Evan's rightful spot..) It's more of the fact that I dislike her story. Even if she'd been at Hogwarts at any point that was during the time of the Marauders (which is implicated because of her allusion to Marlene being the "golden girl of gryffindor") then she would at least recognize the name "Sirius Black" as one of the Marauders, seeing as how the Marauders were infamous. I would've infinitely preferred it if she were just some Spanish witch who had no relation to canon or Britain at all, but it's your character. (On the other hand, I might just be jealous of the fact that she's getting Sirius' attention...grr...Gary Oldman is mine!)

I know I've ranted about Cora and Sirius much too much, but I'd just like to add that their relationship rushed in general to me. Not that I didn't like their relationship! I was getting very into it, and then it ended...I was very sad when Sirius had to go...I felt that was rushed as well.

The references to canon things are very good. I love how you put Fang in there!

The ending paragraph, whether you intended it or not, was amazing. First off, Sirius calling Harry James. Second off, Sirius is so sure of victory he's imagining being back to Cora that night. I almost feel him going mad out of grief. I don't know if you intended for that to be the case, but that's how I felt.

Overall, nice story! The relationship was rushed, true, but I could still feel attached to the characters and felt the hopelessness of the situation when Sirius and Cora were separated.

I hope this review was comprehensive and helpful!
from,
Liberty

Author's Response: I loved your review!! Thank you soo much for putting all that thought into it! Your absolutely right about gideon and fabian being Prewetts!! Part of me can't believe I forgot that!! I'm changing the last name as soon as I can :) Also about Marlene, I think since she was Lily's friend, maybe she was one of the golden girls, (haha, not like the t.v show lol) I was just saying that since Cora was in Slytherin. Might be stereotypical, but that's just how I saw it. I'm going back and making it plural :)
I was totally thinking of making her a spanish witch! but then I thought of that way to make it more canon, 'cause I love details! That's probably one of the things that will get in the way of writing the actual character though. As to her story, Her, and her parents have been completely cut off from the magical world. When Voldemort first threatened, they ran for it. That's why she leaves in her 3rd year. So since then, they weren't supposed to have contact, they loved their life there, and didn't have any connection back in Britain they wanted to go back to. It didn't matter to them if Voldemort came back or not, for all they know he might have still been in power. The only way they have some contact is to get ingredients and supplies. I do hate how rushed it is throughout. The thing is, I wanted to submit this for the decade of legends contest, but was too late :( then I was able to submit it in a last minute challenge :) Maybe someday I'll make it into a short story and take my time with their relationship and their meeting. For now though I don't mind that it's rushed. He was only there for like 2 months, so since he told her his story, they pretty much decided it wasn't going to be like a normal relationship.
I'm sooo glad you caught what I did at the end and loved it. I thought what he might have been thinking during all of that... and that came to mind. So glad for all the advice! Thanks for reviewing! :)


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