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Review:Jellyman says:
Okay, first off - sorry for taking so long! It's really really unacceptable. I read this last week but was having trouble getting my browser to to acknowledge, yes, I am logged on; no, I will not enter my name! and in the end I chucked a hissy fit and stormed off. So yes, apologies! ♥

Okay, review:
Never, never judge your stories worth on the review count! This is a solid story and just because no one is taking the time to review, does not discount it's worth ♥

That being said, while I enjoyed the story, I did find some the way you approached some parts rather...bland (it isn't the word I'm looking for but it's the only one I can think of that comes close). I feel that the extensive self-reflection that Lysander gives to his situation takes away from any kind of genre giving it a very general feel, very vague approach to the story. Take, for example, the first scene where Lysander is injured. This could be funny, it could be dramatic; instead you have introduced it mid-scene without it being any real sort of climax and then kind of gloss over it until you reach the self-reflection/arrival of Roxanne, which then falls into the category, I feel, of telling rather than showing.

I feel kind of like this should be a missing chapter of a story I haven't read, in that it is . Maybe introducing the story at a section that reflects Lysander at a point where he is dealing with his insecurities (Care of Magical Creatures, perhaps mid-class just before the incident?) rather than an almost afternote to the Lysander/Roxanne theme.

I really, really don't mean to be so critical - the idea that Lysander does not want to follow in his parent's footsteps is really original and brilliant and I love that you have taken it on. I just feel that expanding on this one-shot could help - it just feels like everything is a really quick, a little bit unsatisfying build-up to the Roxanne/Lysander theme at the end. Maybe, also, a more conclusive ending would help too.

I really hope you take this the right way - I really did like the idea, and I hope you request again ♥

Author's Response: I'm not worried about how long it took to get to the review. Thank you for the review and I'm sorry it took me a few days to respond. Real life's been busy lately.

I understand what you mean about it being bland. I wrote it very, very quickly to meet a challenge deadline and I think it has a lot of 'tell' instead of 'show.' I absolutely understand the point of it being better if it had been developed and possibly as a multi-chapter story rather than a one-shot.

I don't mind the CC at all. CC is what helps us to grow as authors. Normally, I don't sweat the read/review ratio as I know that many readers don't leave reviews, but this had no reviews at all, which is unusual for my work (a lot of love it or hate it, it seems).

I'm glad that you thought the concept was at least solid. I think that's often my strong point in writing; I don't tend to write the same cliched plotline that so many others do. Now if I can just work on the little details to push it to the next level.

Thank you so much for the CC. I'm in the process of re-writing a one-shot into a multi-chapter story to give it more depth and I think that at some point, this story could use the same treatment.

Thanks again for the CC and honesty, I appreciate it.


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