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Review:angeless7fallenstarsong says:
Hey... Roughly fifteen decades later, its Ange with your challenge-winning-review-things! :) I have no idea how many I owe you, so I'll just muck around and review stuff for a bit.

It's all very cute. :) Your dialogue seems very true to the characters.

My main suggestion would be to watch out for little grammatical errors, etc. I'm a sucker for grammar. ^^; Also, although your dialogue is very good, I'd suggest adding some more prose. Maybe more description or insight into the characters' thoughts? (Obviously these are just my humble suggestions!)

Also - what exactly did he catch? Maybe I just missed something, but the last bit is sort of confusingish.

Great job :) Super cute!

Author's Response: haha yes I noticed that most people got very confused towards the end and as i tried to write my second chapter i came 200 words and then it stopped... so I've changed it a bit ;) I'd be more than happy if you re-read and found out what it actually is! haha

Mm, I am actually quite happy that the dialogue worked out so well in this piece as I see Lily/james as more of a on-going conversation than actual surroundings :)

Can't help my grammar- haha it's simply not all in my brain, but I love the story telling :)

Thank you for the review!


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