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Review:Fluffball says:
hmmm, it was a good story, but just a couple of things:
first, i think that you should go and read some other dramione, romance fics. they all tend to start with hating each other and then ends with them sleeping together. i think that this concept is okay if you build it up properly.

Like, "Though her hair was no longer a bushy, wild mess and was now a soft cascade of honey-colored curls falling down her back, it was still the same golden-brown color it had been in school". The number of times i've heard that line is insane. its just seems a little unrealistic, that with all their past angst, he just notices these little changes. i think, a more likely first response would be surprise, followed by disgust.

you can then build this up. not straight away, like when he moves closer to her at the bar, but maybe elongate the story over a couple of weeks. maybe, you could have draco running into ron and hermione, when rons beating her up, and he saves her...yeah, i know it still sounds a little cliche, but i just think their relationship develops waay too quickly.

also, the whole explaination on why draco had to marry a muggleborn because of his dad seems uneccesary, and just adds the to the number of words, rather than the story line. Maybe, he found out that his wife was cheating on him or would make it less complicated, and would give you more time to concentrate on the story line.

it also seems a little weird that draco cares so much about hermione's situation. if you still want to keep it like that, maybe you could try something like, "draco was in the pub, after a long battle in the courts, fighting against a coperate law bastard who had beat his daughter up and then killed her" it would add more depth to the story and explain why he was so passionate about hermione's situation.

and just one other thing; why does hermione stop healing her wounds? i know that you said that she would get two more for every one that she healed...but isn't her covering them up, kinda the same why not just heal them..i know you need the covering up thing for the story line, but maybe take out the fact that she could heal it...this would clear it up a bit..

and i think thats it. i'm really sorry if i offended you or anything, but i really hope this helps. for a first fan fic, i think that you have done quite well, but theres just some small issues. also, as i said before, just read through maybe 10-15 other dramione romance stories and you will see what i mean by a very typical story line...and next time you write, just try and aviod it

hope this helps :)


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