Hi, electricfeel here with your requested review.
I actually really enjoyed this! And I have to be honest and say that it took me by surprise. I tend to enjoy stories very different to this, it's so unlike stories that I would normally read or write myself. But, it's a lot of fun. Your characterisation of James seemed to me, to be pretty spot on. Especially of a younger James. He's a little arrogant and big-headed, but really he has a big heart and is a nice kid. I think actually, as the chapter developed, your characterisation of James became my favourite part of it.
I thought his infatuation with Lily certainly provided some comedic value at the start; I cringed for him when he started reciting Shakespeare! Haha. But, as the story developed, his feeling for her became really endearing, it was a cute development.
Now, the only thing I'm not completely sold on, however, is the ending. I, personally, enjoy the odd cliffhanger now and then and although the second chapter seems a little early for a cliffhanger, it may well work. But, I was still so wrapped up in the storyline between Lily and James that I wanted that to develop more before new subplots were added, if that makes sense? I feel like any action sequences could maybe have been postponed until a little later.
However, I am keeping an open mind with this as I have yet to read the next chapter. For all I know I could enjoy the new development as much as I enjoyed this chapter.
So, overall, it was a good chapter. I did actually really enjoy it. I look forward to reading more, feel free to request again! :)
Author's Response: Thank you for reading and reviewing! :)
For me, they both have to change if the relationship will work. James had to mature to prove to Lily that he was serious about her, but Lily has to mature and realise that her entire life isn't about other people! So, I kept James being cheeky and a little arrogant, but a lot more mature in other ways.
About the cliffhanger: I wwanted to show that with Lily and James, it's never going to be easy. There are always going to be other things getting in the way, especially the war. They never had a chance to be young, and I really want to get that across. I'll try to spend more time developing the relationship though, so thank you :)
I'll be sure to rerequest :) Thank you once again! :D