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Review:electricfeel says:
Hi, electricfeel here with your requested review :)

Firstly, I really loved how you showed it from the Slytherin's point of view and how they were prejudiced against due to the war. It's not something I tend to come across a lot in stories but it's very likely that this attitude remained after the war. So I really enjoyed that aspect of it.

I think you managed to capture the young, teenage girl in love with someone she feels she shouldn't be. It was believable despite it being quite an odd ship. And I enjoyed your characterisation of Astoria, she seemed intelligent and her friendship with Daphne was endearing. It's nice to see any of those characters written in a postive way, they don't tend to be very often.

I would have liked if you had included a little more description. Setting the scene can really help bring your writing to life, and not a lot of descriptions are really needed. Just a little would be enough :)

You did handle the inner monologue quite well, it did seem to flow into an almost constant stream of thoughts. It was well done.

Overall, it's a story with a lot of real potential. I actually really liked the ship and thought you handled your characters well. There's just something missing. Adding a little description perhaps could help as well as developing the characterisation of your minor characters a little more.

Anyway, I hope this review helped :)

Author's Response: Hi! Thank you, and I'm very sorry for taking so long to respond.

That's good to hear, thanks! It was... definitely something else to write as well. And I think you're right, such an attitude can't be changed just by losing a war.

I'm glad you think that was believable :D Thank you! And it's great to hear you liked Astoria too - you're right again, characters like her don't often get portrayed in a positive way (I know I'm guilty of that myself).

Okay, thanks! I feel like my fics are either dialogue-heavy or description-heavy, but never somewhere in between. So thank you for pointing that out :) I'll try to work on that.

Thanks, I'm glad you liked the inner monologue as well :) It's good to know it wasn't too choppy or anything.

Thank you for all your kind words :) I'm very glad you liked it, even though something's missing :) And yes, the review was very helpful!

Thanks a lot for your review!


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