Hello, gingersnape *dodges tomato* here *ducks under couch* with a review!
Okay, I am determined that you will wake up with 11 unanswered reviews on Hiding Bruises tomorrow morning, so I shall knock all of them out tonight, because I am really getting tired of wallowing in shame and I imagine you have waited long enough for chapters 10-20! ONWARDS!
So, you know the drill: my comments in order that they appear, and then the spelling and grammar, pacing and flow, and my overall opinion of the chapter!
Oh I was so happy to see that the girls cared about Tina! I still get the warm fuzzes from reading that she has friends now, even though I've sort of known it for a while by now.
This really doesn't have to do with much of anything, but it made me happy to see that Molly seemed to show her motherly characteristic by trying to get Tina up and everything. Just a minor detail, but I felt like it did add something to the scene because Molly really did seem to like Tina.
I have to say, I've never read a Marlene this viscous, but I think that I really like how she is shown. There really hasn't been a major forename character before now; the hated rival has always been Bellatrix and company, but now that Marlene has gone from friend to foe like that, it seems to add a bit of tension to the story and bring back that essence of Tina not really being liked by all of her Gryffie roomies, though in a new and different way this time.
Ahh, so she was outside last night, but I still don't quite get how that worked. Is she an animagus, was that her patronus, is she a werewolf now? So many questions are running through my head right now! Will it all be explained later or have I not picked up on the details? I'm a bit confused right now.
Ahh, so now you've got me wondering what exactly Bella is up to because it just is not like her to not show up. I'm really curious (actually, I know what happens as I've read on, but you've somehow managed to keep me really captivated and filled with wonder even though I know what was there, which is quite a feat!) and I know the first time I read it, I felt like something had to be up, but then Sirius overpowered the curiosity and I had this mix of emotions and it was amazing!
Spelling and Grammar: The usual. Not too bad, nothing really disrupting the reading. Just a few things.
Pacing and Flow: I felt like this was one of the more suspenseful chapters thus far in the story, and you did a really good job of keeping that suspense going while keeping the story together and keeping it smooth.
And my overall opinion was very positive. I felt like you did a good job of adding the mystery while not having ti be an in your face cliffhanger, which is often quite difficult to do. I would say this is one of my favorite chapters of your so far and I'll be right up there in a bit! See, right above this guy in your unanswered reviews box! (Okay, I know you can't see me, but I'm pointing up right now! :D)
Have a good day and see you soon,
Author's Response: Hello! I am so so sorry it's taken me soo long to reply! It's just that I wanted time to, you know, like, um, mull over everything you said properly and consider my answers... ok, ok, I admit it I abadoned HPFF for a while there :'( I'm sorry, ok!!
Aww, I'm glad you like them :) I'm glad she has friends too- everyone needs friends!
And Molly is a sweetheart, ain't she? I'm glad you caught onto that as I wanted to show that although she goes off with Marlene a lot it's just because she's loyal- not because she doesn't like Tina!
Marlene is a *, lol :) Don't know if I overdo her meanness but it's good that you like it.
It'll become clear as you read on... ;)
Aha, well it put a big smile on my face that I managed to stir up your emotions like that!
Aha, it seems like your getting a bit sick of my mediocre grammar? I need to start proof reading- I know :/
*pats self on back for creating suspense and pace and flow*
Yeahh, in your face cliched cliffhangers (with the whole dun dun dunn effect) tend to get my goat, so I prefer to just subtly keep you guessing by putting little hints of things to come here and there!
Thank you, and see you soon also,