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Review:minimah says:
First of all, gorgeous banner. I think I stared at it for quite some time before actually getting into reading ... sorry 'bout that. Your spelling and grammar is also very spiffy, so that earned you brownie points - I didn't feel the need to go back over and write down notes on where you'd slipped up. Be aware of your capitalisation though, as some parts it seems a little funny - rather than 'First year Slytherin', you can just say 'first year Slytherin', e.t.c. It seems to flow better visually and by capitalising the year they're in, you're giving them titles, and all round that makes it a little messy. 'Disillusionment Charms' also is far more aesthetically appearing and in accordance with how spells are written in the series, too.

You have a very compelling writing style. You pace your story very nicely, but you don't info dump on us, which is really good. A minor irk is, I don't actually know what's happened or why it's happened. I understand that as a songfic, there's no overwhelming need for you to explain anything, but as I'm a fairly nitpicky person, I did write down that I was uncertain what had happened. To the extent of my knowledge, no battle occurred at Hogwarts when Lily and James were still Head Girl & Boy.

Do note, I have no huge objection to this, it just doesn't fit with the canon-verse. That immediately makes me question the story's plausibility. Rather, I was convinced for a moment that I was reading about Harry/Lily Potter, e.t.c. I understand you want to heighten the drama, and you do that quite artfully, but I'm going to whinge and say it didn't happen. Maybe it was a minor battle? I'm quite uncertain, but I think a preceding attack on Hogwarts would've been recounted to Harry in the Second Wizarding War, e.t.c.

I quite liked your description of the world. You don't do too much to describe soaring turrets, e.t.c, like an awed first year might see, but you simply PULL us into that world. It's almost effortless on your part - your reiteration of HP-verse facts, places, houses, and so forth, bring us into the heart of your story.

Your characterisation is also crisp and believable. I honestly think that, while Lily is indeed quite shattered, she's been through bad times before - her best friend insulting her, her sister abandoning her, e.t.c. I think part of her charm is the fact she is a firecracker (and, well, a gorgeous one at that). While seeing a bit of vulnerable Lily beginning to appreciate James is sweet and awww-worthy, I'd like to think she's still sparky. While I'm sure she'd be fairly open, I don't think she'd so willingly spill her feelings of hopelessness to someone she's growing attracted to, but doesn't quite trust.

It's nice to see a different side to James, although don't forget his original personality. It'd be nice to integrate some comedy between the two, some verbal sparring, no matter how worn - they could've bonded through that, too. Or she could be potentially cold to him. After all it's been a trying day.

I will say though, I adore your writing of this ship. It shows how they've bonded, how they've come together, although I still think that the timing is a bit off - refer to back to HP-verse! Don't forget the original timeline! :)

Overall, I gave this an 8/10. I loved the way you tied the song in, the pacing, the way you brought the reader in, and such. You lost points for the fact I wasn't too sure of the battle itself, and just a few irks, along with my being a little uncomfortable with Lily and James' sudden spill-all. But it's a sweet read and definitely something that left me with a warm, fuzzy feeling.

And plus, big Beatles fan.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this long and nice review. I'M glad you appreciated the piece and the banner (your lovely comment was passed forward to the maker of the banner).
Sorry for the delayed response but I had trouble with my account and couldn't answer my reviews. I really appreciated your review and the time you took to write it, went straight to my heart!

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