Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:notreallyblonde44 says:
Hi hi! Here to review for my challenge. As I wrote in the thread, I'm going to leave my comments are your welcome to ignore them or use them for edits ;) I will be re-reading all the entries once the Challenge is over. I'm ready for some Malfoy Pride woot!

'And for that I cannot forgive myself, even if my family do.' -does

'I watched as two guards opened the cell and enter' -entered

Short and to the point, I like that lol. I think choosing Lucius was perfect for this piece! He is very pride and that last line (and your summary) really sums up the impact of Pride, which is the hardest sin to recognize. Because he could recognize it, I can definitely see the transition that he went through. I liked the details you get about Lucius from him keeping quiet and why he decides to do that -also that he couldn't bring himself to do what his family did and that he didn't get off easy for all the terrible things that he probably did as a Death Eater. I find this one-shot to be very believable and realistic in that aspect, which is great.

The only CC I have is maybe that bits where the Dementor does come around, you mention that he flickers into childhood memories, but you don't describe what those memories are...so I felt like I was missing out on those as a reader. Also, I thought all the Lestranges were dead lol. Maybe I need to check up on my canon, but I thought none of them made it through, even though that detail was nice -the infirmary part- because it gave us more of an insider's perspective on Azkaban. Which brings me to, Lucius has been there before so when I originally read this I couldn't tell which time he was in it for awhile, which confused me when I realized this was his second time because previous occurrences were never mentioned.

Overall, good job! Very pride-filled and I like your character selection. I think that was spot on and the writing was enjoyable as well. Thanks for entering my challenge & hope you had fun writing for it :)

Best,
nrb

Author's Response: Hello! You know, I read through this three times before posting it and I still left errors lol.

As soon as I saw this challenge, my first thoughts were 'pride' and 'Lucius', it just made sense in my head :). I'm glad it was believable and realistic, this is my first challenge piece so I was a little worried.

I thought about adding the childhood memories but then I became worried that it would take away the point of the challenge, so I left hem out :(. Maybe after the challenge is over, I'll add more to it, make it a short story or two-shot? I had a feeling that all the Lestranges were dead, but I didn't have a computer with me to check the HP Lexicon. I can look and edit it if you want? This is after the war, so Lucius' second time in Azkaban, his first time in the infirmary was during his second time in Azkaban, not his first. Sorry for the confusion.

I had so much fun writing this and I'm so glad I entered your challenge. Thank you :)


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 556
Submit Report: