Hi electricfeel here with your requested review.
First, let me start by saying I really like the premise of this story. It feels really unique and it's an interesting time period. It also feels like a very adult story which, in my opinion, makes it all the more intriguing. As a reader, I know you will have a lot more freedom when it comes to your OC's antics; you can make them shocking, outrageous or memorable and that's exciting.
As for your OCs, I really like the narrator, Evie. I feel she will be a very complex and deep character, mainly through your writing in this chapter. But, I like that about her, despite living a life that many might deem to be shallow, she is actually a very layered character, I'm extremely interested to see how she develops.
Now, your style of writing can at points be utterly beautiful; the first few paragraphs for example, the descriptions of the morning after silence, the descriptions of her watching them in front of her and again at the sea. And then, at other points it feels slightly rushed. For example, the scene where they are playing in the sea, I feel you went on a little too long. I feel your whole style of writing changed here, which felt a little disappointing because your writing is beautiful! You are really fantastic at showing instead of telling, there were times were I was completely lost in your writing. Because you do have a real talent, you just need to play to your strengths because that is when your story truly comes alive. Another example of this comes with the dialogue after the party, again, it felt a little rushed too, yet the dialogue towards the end flowed perfectly. It seems in that last bit of dialogue you added a lot more descriptive narrative, I think that's whats missing from the conversation after the party.
And, I must say, your descriptions are really another real strength. It's all so vibrant; I can see the colours and the beauty, I really, really loved your descriptions.
You asked if there was anything endearing that would make readers want to keep reading and the answer is yes, there's plenty. For a start, all of your characters are great. Evie is interesting (as I've mentioned) the male characters seem fun yet we're getting hints that they may be quite different, and the friendship between Clara and Evie is incredibly endearing. But there's also you! And your style of writing! You really are a fantastic writer. Genuinely, you have a real talent. It just feels at times like you're losing your way a little. I feel like I want to tell you to take a deep breath and have a little more faith in yourself!
Hope this review helped, and I hope to see your requesting again soon ;)
P.S - I've added this to my favourites to keep an eye on it :)
Author's Response: Firstly, I feel as though I might mention this is the second time I've written this reply, haha, a slight mac-spaz attack managed to lose the first. So this might be a bit patchy, if I think I've already said something that I actually haven't? I'll do my best.
First off, I can't tell you how incredibly grateful I am. This review is one of the loveliest I've laid eyes on, and I can almost promise you've made my soul sing. It's so so lovely, because it feels like you've truly understood my approach, I think. Usually with my writing, I think people get annoyed because it's a bit floral, but I can't help it-the words can be just as attractive as the thing they're describing, and if someone is willing to just sort of dive in...Ah, it makes me happy that you could, anyway =D
This will be a mess, I'm sorry-but I hope I cover everything you touched. I think your mild concrit is what's made me feel the most lightheaded, because every bit you've mentioned, I already sort of stared at those paragraphs with vague distaste. The ocean scene was incredibly hard for me to cough out-it was serious splutters, over a period of time..and then I'd go back and poke it around a bit..and bleh.
That leads me to the morning after silence-I'm thrilled it caught you a little-it's one of my favourite snips, and unlike the ocean, I can't seem to change a single word if I fancy it-it's so solidly become it's own..little piece. I don't even know if it's mine anymore, haha.
I'm rambling to buggary, but honestly. This is ridiculously encouraging, and I can't thank you enough. To hear that you're fond of my floristry gives me some courage to have a look through my text and add some more to the bits that might lack-people who dislike description will run away from the very first paragraph anyway-so I shouldn't care to cater to them too much, aha.
I'll stop myself here-with a firm promise I'll be back with another request as soon as you're free =] You've earned the place as my writing-self-esteem-angel, or something of the sort. Thankyou lovely, very much indeed.