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Review:Aiedail says:
aww okay, normally i prefer to see dramiones done in an overly parodic fashion, but i think this one has potential for being really good despite the too-nice and too-reasonable draco. your writing style is a good balance of plot/dialogue interaction, and for your first fic this is really a feat ! :)
there are three major things that i would do differently. one, i would take out the "hermione's pov" etc because they interrupt the flow, and the characters should be different enough in a story that changes perspective for the reader to tell the narrations apart from each other. the next thing is to add a little more definition to the personalities of both characters. i believe that being OOC is okay in fan fiction as long as you do it well enough to convince your audience. it might not fit everyone's taste, but if you can present draco and hermione in ways that don't distract the reader (so that they're not thinking "he would never have made that little list of nice things about her!" throughout the story), then it's still a successful characterization. i think that too often OOC and bad story are used interchangeably, and to me, this simply isn't the case. draco still needs to be witty, sarcastic, wry--he still needs to degrade "granger" in my opinion, but he can have a realisation like the one here as well. i can see the situation unfolding in canon--the detention, since it was given by snape, doesn't seem that far from the mark, but one point that is a little problematic for me is the way that draco so easily lets down his guard at the end. i would have expected him to fight a little more, but then yes, eventually give in.
thirdly, i would use dialogue as a vehicle for changing p.o.v.'s. have hermione say something to draco, and then the next line be something that draco thinks about that. then continue in draco's p.o.v., then have him think something, then hermione think something as if in response (after all, context and them both being in the same one makes this plausible), and then continue in hermione's p.o.v., etc...work it in as seamlessly as you can, and even though to you writing it you might worry that the reader won't be able to pick up on the change, it'll be tastefully obvious, if you know what i mean!
all that being said i still really enjoyed reading this, and think that especially in light of this being your first fic, it's charming in its own right.
--lily :)

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing, Lily :)

This probably has to be the best review I've had for this story! I know it's quite OOC for both characters so thank you for your suggestions.

I've edited out the POV bits and it's in the queue at the moment. Your other two suggestions certainly make sense and I'll try editing the story and making it flow better in the future.

Thanks again :) You've helped a lot!

-Sophia x


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