|Review:||Violet Gryfindor says:|
Well, I could begin this review with "whoa" again, but I'll spare you that and instead begin with "hmm" in regard to what it might actually be that Rose kept secret for Clara. Perhaps she inadvertently promised that she wouldn't tell about Clara having been awake like that in the middle of the night - a sort of alibi thing that Rose, having seen Clara awake, might undercut. I find Clara's thanking of Rose at the end as suspicious as Rose did, and I'm only more intrigued by what's going on in this story.
Rose! Yes! I was excited to see that she was the narrator, being biased in her favour as I am, though I really like your use of OCs instead of her extended family. They're excellent OCs - it's wonderful when an author only needs to provide a sketch of a character for it to be enough for the reader to entirely imagine that character. For instance, you show Dom only for that moment, yet his reactions to Rose's questions and his way of talking with Rose provided a very clear image of what he is like, etc. I hope at least some of that made sense. I'll say more simply that I love the voice you've given Rose - serious and to the point, but somewhat deadpan (as in the first line, which cracked me up).
Another fantastic thing about this story: how you're building up the backstory, the evidence of the case. You give the reader a few answers, but then ask more questions, driving them to read forward (as I now will). Amazing work! :D
Author's Response: Hmm. Maybe it's my memory of this chapter failing me, but I'm not sure what you mean. The only secret that Clara has told Rose at this point is that she was away all day; the only thing Rose promised her was to let her tell the story of what happened. Narrator Rose knows what happened (or thinks she knows what happened), but Flashback Rose doesn't yet. Clara's thanks at the end was ostensibly because Rose didn't tell people she saw her in the middle of the night, but... suspicion abounds in this story, as I'm sure you can tell.
But Rose! It took a lot of thinking/debating to decide what to do about the narrator (Tom Riddle? Grindelwald? Scorpius?) before I settled on Rose. Mostly it was to turn the Next Gen stereotype of her on its head, to provide a little shock value, but I hope to flesh her out beyond more than just a creepy voice and a name. The same goes for the OCs, who, strangely, are still a bit iffy for me and need fleshing out in my head; it's like I know the broad strokes of their characters but not the nuances, you know? Members of the extended Weasley clan will show up at some point or another, because you really can't escape them, but it's true, they aren't the focus. Dom, however, is a huge part of the cast, so I'm glad he came across well to you. Also, deadpan/psychotic Rose just might be one of my favorite kinds now.
The backstory develops slowly because frankly, I have only a little more information than you do! I have the same questions as you do and only some of the answers. But hopefully the journey to answering these questions is enjoyable :D