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Review:Toujours Padfoot says:
Hey, there! Toujours Padfoot from the forums here for your review.

I love that this is so new and original. I haven't seen many stories about Muslims on HPFF, and Hiba is a likable, refreshing character. I think you are handling the depiction very well. The characters are very much like anybody else, but they've got this exotic flavor I'm not used to, and it takes me away into your story. I can see everything around me, and hear everyone. I especially like Hiba's mother and the fact that she cooks manually instead of using magic, because God gave her two hands and she should not be lazy just because she was blessed with magic. I feel that she is a stern woman, but also very warm. And Hiba, it seems, is wonderfully awkward. I feel like I know her pretty well already, and not because you TOLD us, but because you SHOWED us. It was effortless characterization.

My only CC is that in the very last paragraph, you used 'Mum' instead of Mama. I think that since you used 'Mama' for the rest of the chapter, you should keep it that way for consistency. But really, that's my own opinion. I don't know if Muslim families in England use both terms. If they do, then by all means, disregard this. Really, though, I thought this was a fantastic start. A definite kick from the norm. It has a certain spice to it that captures my interest.

Well done. :)

Toujours Padfoot

Author's Response: Thanks you so much for the review! It was very helpful, and I'm glad you liked it! I'll be sure to ask for future requests from you! :)
Thanks!

~13/03/11


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