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Review:baletgir says:
And another funny chapter! This was really good. I like how you have mixed the great humor in so well. It doesn't seem like too much to me at any point. Just the right mix of humor and a good plot. The bomb there at the end, interesting. You really slipped it in there nicely.

The one thing I have a bit of a problem with would be Albus's commentary to the reader/about the writing. I honestly think there is a place for a narrator who speaks to the reader, and I think you have some moments where it works, but there were a few too many in my opinion. The one moment I had the biggest issue with was the typo comment. It didn't seem necessary, just odd.

Beside that nit-picky bit, I really did enjoy reading this. And I will be reading your future chapters... I HAVE TO KNOW ABOUT THIS BOMB! haha.
:)BaletGir

Author's Response: Point definitely taken regarding Albus's editorial insertions. I'm never sure how far to take them, but I can see how they're detracting from the pace of the plot, so I've removed them from this chapter, which was already too long anyway, so it's worked out for the best all-round. :D Thanks for mentioning that - it may have seemed like a nit-pick, but it's actually an important aspect of the narrative style for me, and knowing how people were reacting to it is helpful.

It's great to hear that the rest of the chapter has worked out nicely. I wasn't sure how the ending would be accepted, but it makes for a good cliff-hanger - just the sort of thing the plot needed at that point in time, if only to save the guys from that girl. XD She'll be unhelpfully in the way for them, that's for sure.

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing this! I really appreciate it! ^_^


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