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Review:LovelyMioneWeasley says:
Hullo there, LMW from the forums with your requested reviews.

First off, I will be among the others to applaude you for taking some creative initative to start what appears to be an original story. I can't be sure that this is the only story with Arabic characters; it may be the only one with Arabic main characters though.

I think your flow works for majority of the chapter; at times, it seems to get caught up with lengthy sentences and declarative sentences. You tend to have variety but it comes in choppy blocks of either type. For future chapters, I would reccomend maybe trying to fuse the two types.

I also like that you do some Arabic and English for the sake of the readers so they can be able to understand what is going on. And its good that you point it out.

I think that Hiba and Ali seem like typical siblings even in spite of cultural differences. It helps to unifty the human experience which I think is a good thing to bring up especially with the magical world the way it is.
According to my Baba, I had is hair.-- his hair.

Just as I was aiming my book at her, the door flew open and there stood my brother, with a cheeky grin playing on his slips.-- his lips

Those were two typos that I idefnitifed. There were a few other instances of lack of a comma where there should be one and maybe some length-y sentences. Overall, the grammar was not bad and did not really detract from the story.

I think you have a good start on your hands.


Author's Response: Thank you so much! You're review was very helpful, and I'm glad you think that this story is original - as it was my intention to start up something fresh and new. :)

Again thank you so much for the review!

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