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Review:LovelyMioneWeasley says:
Hullo NeverGotHerLetter (by the way, love your penname. Don't we all feel that way :D?)

I got your forum request and was very excited to pop over and read what I considered a nice, out of the box one-shot. I was really excited because this was definitely much more featured on friendship and good acts than romance. It was a nice change of pace ^_^

I think that you did good justice to Teddy and his general characterstics. He definitely has the streak of a Maraduer with a bit of trouble but wholistically good intentions (what I assume is most of the time.). And Jack was just as lovely to read about. I envision between the two of them that you have some good eye candy and some good humor ^_^

I liked Zabini as the boss as well; the entire scearnio really reminded me of the American show, Scrubs. If you haven't heard of it/seen it, its a bromance of epic proportions with some very interesting prospects for coworkers and boss.

Now for my suggestions, I would re-enter this into queue since the spacing is slightly obnoxious. It makes the one-shot seem longer than it really is and it may scare off some potential readers. Plus all the spacing is real bothersome. Just a suggestion though.

Secondly, I'd grab a beta to read over some of this because I think that it has good potential with some rough edges. You have some general puncutation issues. Like forgetting the period after a mister, etc. Also, there were a few awkward sentences that could be fixed with just another pair of eyes.

Overall, it was a cute one-shot to read and it was well-written. Good luck in your challenge!


Author's Response: Hello!! Thanks hehe :)
Thank you! I really wanted to do one like this, one that doesn't particularly brush on romance, because, like you said, it's a change of pace, and also because it's more like the original HP books, which don't really focus on romance and dating and whatever :)
Awwh thank you that really means a lot :') Haha oh yeah total arm candy :D
Hehehe yeah I love Scrubs!! With Dr. Cox... yeah I get what you mean :) I promise I didn't base this off it though :D
Ooh yeah I'll do that; my spacing always goes wrong for some reason :/
Ok, I'll get my beta to look over it!!
Thank you!! *crosses fingers*
~NeverGotHerLetter x x x

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