|Review:||Toujours Padfoot says:|
Hi there! Toujours Padfoot again. ^_^ Silly me, I reviewed your prologue instead of the first chapter. I was wondering why the story didn't match up with the summary...because it's like two different stories! :O
Alrighty. Samantha. She is NOT a Mary Sue. I was very glad to see this, because in most Marauder-era fics I read, the main OC is always a Mary Sue - quiet, bookish, ultra witty, subtly beautiful, overlooked, etc. They're so perfect and boring that it makes me want to gag.
Sam? Not so. I LOVE that you are already making her flawed. She's immature, and a bit dramatic, and somewhat self-absorbed. Loving it. She's real. She could be someone I know - but not someone who blends into the wallpaper. So far, your characterization is great.
Favorite line - "I've got this!" Sirius Black exclaimed, looking a little too excited as he held his wand high and proud.
Although he isn't heavily featured in this chapter, I think you got teenage-Sirius down pat. I smiled at that sentence. It's definitely Sirius-ish. I could just see him standing up and looking all giddy-like with his wand, wanting to prove himself.
CC: Just a few typo's. There are a few grammatical errors - no biggie. But I'll point 'em out anyway, 'cause...that's the point of CC, right? ^_^
disheveled as Samantha's ever seen with her read hair in knots
(read should be red)
Which meant that, not only, were the Marauders' in the same compartment, save for Remus for some reason unknown to Samantha. But Samantha, Lily, and two prefects from each house were present and the majority of the Gryffindor Quidditch team was trying to squeeze in too.
Kinda iffy with commas and sentence structure. Edited:
Which meant that not only were the Marauders in the same compartment - save for Remus, for some reason unknown to Samantha - but Samantha, Lily, and two prefects from each house were present and the majority of the Gryffindor Quidditch team was trying to squeeze in, too.
The typos could be easily cleared up with just another look-over. You seem to have a pretty good grasp of grammar and spelling, so I'm guessing that those small mistakes would be easily recognizable if you ran through the chapter again. :)
Overall - interesting plot, interesting characters. I'm really curious to see how this ties in with the prologue! And from your summary, I can tell it's going to be a pretty dynamic story. Order of the Phoenix recruiting at Hogwarts? Can you say: explosion of fabulous plot bunnies? Ultra kudos. The plot is original and refreshing and you will go far, my friend.
Author's Response: Hello Toujours Padfoot!!
I'm sorry for the delay in responding to this review -but I was waiting to edit my chapter before I responded so that I could write -thanks for all the edits/help I used them when I edited the chapter!
Yay for no Mary Sues! Considering this era is so chock-full of them or over-done plot constructions I'm always very worried about that in this story. I'm glad you got the sense that she is flawed...very flawed- and honestly I find her almost too annoying to write sometimes haha. C'est la vie :P
I'm glad you liked Sirius, I honestly think he is the hardest one to write. (Dies). So I'm happy that you found his character to be accurate!
Overall - awesome review, I'm very super grateful! Lol. Thanks so much :) Hopefully I've corrected everything now.