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Review:soccerj18 says:
Heylo love!

I'm dropping off the prologue since you already have enough reviews there and dropping off to chapter 1 as requested. It's a good story, but I've got a few grammatical errors that I'd like to point out

1. "Which meant that, not only, were the Marauders' in the same compartment, save for Remus for some reason unknown to Samantha. But Samantha, Lily, and two prefects from each house were present and the majority of the Gryffindor Quidditch team was trying to squeeze in too. ". Mmmm, very awkwardly phrased. Could you try something like "The marauders, save an ever-absent Remus, occupied their usual compartment, but were now also joined by Lily, Samantha, all of the prefects, and a large chunk of the Gryffindor Quidditch team." Even that's a bit awkward...but that's the idea

2. "You clearly are not as mature enough to handle this position." This one's easy, take out the 'as'.

3. "Lily, appearing as disheveled as Samantha's ever seen with her read hair in knots and skirt hitched up almost to her mid-thigh". Another easy one, unless Lily is reading her hair I would put 'red'

And that's all I have for now. Happy writing!

Author's Response: Hey soccerj18!

Thank you for pointing out the grammatical errors, you have a good eye and I'm glad I can fix those because I completely missed them! I really appreciate that and the time you took to read/review my chapter :)


If only one could read hair...Divination lesson anyone? :P

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