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Review:LovelyMioneWeasley says:
Hi there--LMW from the forums with your requested review.

I wanted to start off by commenting on the beauty of the banner you have! It is so colorful and fun! I bet its a good refelction of the story you have composed wholly.

Onto the actual chapter, I liked the length because it was just long enough to be interesting but not too long to seem like it dragged on. And I think keeping it close to 2000-3000 words will continue to make it easy to develop a plot and characters.

I was intrigued by the beginning, but the transition to the story seemed a bit...off. I would reccomend rereading that part; let the story tell itself, do not feel the need to force the story into a certain direction. Guiding the story will make it more enjoyable for the reader and for you as a writer.

As far as characters go, I think that Harry, Hermione, and Ron were definitely in character; they were fun to read as adults and definitely a fun bunch to be included. Next-gen stories often tend to not include the Trio in real detail so I was glad to see it.

Rose was definitely believable as well as Scorpius, Al, James, and Roxanne. They came off as a little flat but mostly its a first chapter so a foundation is only being built but I wonder about how its going to continue to go.

Now for my reccomendations--I would reccomend having a beta read over your chapters. There were some major typos and grammar issues I would reccomend looking at. I would also reccomend looking at sentence structure and usage of commas and such. On to the next chapter.

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