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Review:LovelyMioneWeasley says:
Hello there--LMW from the forums with your requested review. I love your title by the way. It took me a moment but the Latin finally caught up with me :)

I am really intrigued with your summary and your first chapter and how the two fit together. I'm the girl who wused to sit in church trying to figure out where the sermon was going and then checked out once I did. So interweaving storylines and such is in my blood.

Your graphics are AMAZING! They are certainly high quality and definitely help set the tone for the chapter and I bet the story.

Woah, this was quite the first chapter! And a prologue to boot. It was definitely intriguing; you did an excellent job of creating a great atmosphere and setting. Your intricate inclusion of the rain was good foreshadowing and it didn't seem like you were telling us that it was raining. It was just included as an element of description and definitely seems to fit the flow of the chapter.

All of your characters were original and the Legion definitely seemed suspicious. Kara and her power also leaves the reader hanging for more details, likely to check your page for updates and such. I'm curious to know how you were inspired with such a plotline. I am also curious what Soren's "crimes" are.

You do a good job establishing the major motives and situations of the main character, Aron. You definitely revealed some interesting information about him without just telling the audience in a declarative setence. I have to point this out more than once because it just is such a breath of fresh air.

Now, for the first chapter (prologue) of a story, it is quite fast paced and action packed. You have an established pace and flow and I'm wondering how chapter two will fit in with the set flow. I'm wondering if you will have issues--just a thought to keep in mind.

I didn't see any major grammar issues, syntax issues, or typos. You clearly communicated your intent and message in each of your sections. And I think the emotions were believable and relatable. You also definitely introduced quite a bit of intrigue. Good luck!


Author's Response: hey LMW! Now this response is simply going to be a lot shorter then your nice, long review simply because you had me blushing the entire time I was reading it. You just seriously made my week with this lovely review that once again makes me wish I was able to write none-stop, twenty four seven. So, I thank you for such a lovely, blush inducing review. :)

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