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Review:ForeverMarauder says:
Hey, great chapter... I especially liked the line "Slughorn has enough favourites to populate a small village". I found that to be quite clever.
I have two complaints: The first is that the students seem to act more like fourth or fifth years than first years. I can make my peace with the crushes (although they never seemed very prevalent at that age in Rowling's version of Hogwarts), but it seems odd that a character such as Emma would swear. Obviously my own prudish tendencies come into play here, but when I was eleven, I never swore, and it seems odd that someone as quiet and unassuming as Emma would swear loudly multiple times after hitting her foot. Again, I'm only 5 chapters in, so it's possible that I got too specific of an idea in my head of what Emma would be like too soon.
My second complaint has to do with the Divination teacher. First, it seems unlikely that Dumbledore would hire a professor who was possibly involved in the Dark Arts. I took a look at your summary, by the way, which makes my comment on your last chapter irrelevant, and explains why you wouldn't know that Dumbledore had a VERY GOOD reason for trusting Snape. But still, the situation seems different with this professor, as Dumbledore seems unconcerned when Grimm brings it up, as opposed to flatly denying his involvement in the dark arts. Secondly, and this is a small thing, like all of my complaints, It is explicitly stated in sixth book that Dumbledore never thought of Divination as an important subject, yet in this chapter, he seriously defends its significance in protecting the children.
P.S. You should note that I'm quite a harsh critic. These are all tiny little picky things, and I wouldn't want to forget to mention that you are a gifted writer! You have a talent for creating excellent characters and drawing people into your story.
P.P.S. Sorry for such a long review!!

Author's Response: It's admittedly embarrassing to keep this story around, just for the reasons you've given here. It's filled with inconsistencies and you're not the first to express discontent with the way that these eleven-year-olds speak. I can't even read this story anymore without wincing, so don't apologize for being harsh (you're far from it, actually). It's an old story, but I'm still learning from it and the experience of writing it today. All criticism on it is welcome.

I'm still fascinated by the idea of Sejanus as a character, but I agree that he's shady. Very shady. Too shady. At the time, I was working under the belief that the Snape within the books was equally shady. It's unfortunate because Sejanus ends up being a wasted character in the end. I really should have done more with him instead of taking the plot where I did, but I digress.

You know, this is exactly why I have so much trouble writing stories taking place within Hogwarts. There's a lot more freedom outside of the school, a lot more ways of pushing the boundaries.

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing! It's wonderful to hear from you and to hear that someone reads fanfiction with such a critical eye. It's a rarity, and I'm flattered to have that eye focused on my work. ^_^


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