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Review:The Captain says:
The one grammatic error that I noticed was that when you include however in the middle of a sentence, you only put a comma on the right of it. You should have a comma on both sides of however. Example: She desperately wanted a snack, however, she knew that dinner would be ready in a few more minutes.
I liked the plot, and was glad that things didn't work out for Draco and Pansy. I've personally never been able to see them lasting. Pansy always seemed like a time filler to Draco, not a real partner. My one problem was with the fact that Draco had tortured people. I personally can't see him doing this. It might be just me, but I don't believe that Draco is strong enough to do something like that. He couldn't kill Dumbledore, and while the two things are very different, Draco does not seem brave enough to torture someone.

Author's Response: Thank you for pointing out the comma issue, it's something I struggle with a lot so errors being pointed out really helps me learn :)

I agree that it may seem difficult to believe Draco is capable of torture but I believe that he is very critical of his own failings and he is very resilient (ie- fixing the cabinet) so I don't think it's entirely OOC for him to turn this anger at his failings into anger at others. And I think if he was used by the Dark Lord to torture people regularly, he would eventually find a way to ignore his own emotions. JK said once the reason Draco could bully was because he lacked compassion for others.

Anyway, I don't mean to sound defensive! I really do appreciate your review, thank you :)


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