I hope all is well with you. I actually got a free night because RL fell through so my nights opened up. I decided to stay in and take a night to catch up on my T.V. shows and eat some ice cream ^_^. Your story joined the ranks as well :).
I really liked this chapter; I found it SO realistic and yet so perfectly filled with Sirius and Remus and Dollie that I could help but squee and sigh at certain parts.
Sirius is quite the smooth talker but he's just so darn genuine and nice. He's funny thought too and you make him just a great guy. I think that some authors use the "playboy" description and freedom given to us by JKR too much...they abuse it and make him seem like he isn't a real dynamic character. You make him endearing and clearly visible as to why he is James' best friend.
Remus is heartbreaking though too. His thoughts about Dollie and how he swears he has to stay away make me sad :(. I just want Remus and Sirius to both have a Dollie! Could we clone her, please, Mist? They could both get one and they could rock,paper,scissor who gets the original if they even knew?!?
Sorry, I'm in a perkily happy mood because Darren Criss is currently filling my iTunes with his Glee adventures! He is so smashin' fantastic!
Anyway, your plot development and pacing goes very well. You keep the flow of the story realtively short but it works; some parts seem too short but more often than not, I bet its cause I'd love to read more myself! My only other suggestion would be character development; you make them realistic but as you continue, I know they get more dimension. You introduce the dimension slowly (I'm recalling all this from memory) and that could curb some appeal for readers. Too slow doesn't suit some people. I don't mind.
Those are all the suggestions I got; you do a great job of proofing your chapter before you usually put them up so I can't make much comment on that.
Author's Response: Olla Lindsey,
I'm great, everything's fine. I hope the same goes for you =). Ooo, that sounds like a nice little night in, I'm beyond thrilled my little story manage to squeeze into that schedule.
That was exactly what I wanted to keep in mind, that while I'm sure he was very cocky thanks to his looks, I don't think he was as obsessed with girls as a lot of authors make him out to be. I just keep remembering how JKR describes him, that his one big trait is how strong his affection can be for certain people, which are the Marauders. If he ever had liked a girl, I think he would have stuck with her.
Dearest Remus, don't you just want to huggle the emo-ness out of him? I know I do ;). Linds, I literally LOL when I read the rock, paper, scissors part! You crack me up. In a perfect world, we could do just that. Or, you know, shove her aside and I can have Remus and you get Sirius. I kid, i kid, *huggles Dollie and Lindsey*.
I LOVE his cover of Teenage Dream! Is it wrong that I think his version is far more superior to Katy Perry's? *Has to listen to it now*
Really? How odd. I always felt I was going too fast with the plot (I tend to get antsy if the plot doesn't take shape fast enough) but I think you're right about character development. I do like to take my time with them, make the reader get to know them slowly much like they would if these characters were real. But hopefully potential readers won't be too put off by it.
I've actually just recently edited all the chapters in this story, polishing them up a bit for grammar purposes but also for plot purposes ;). Thank you for noticing, m'dear!