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Review:The Captain says:
Hi there! I like the characterization of Fred so far, but I have a few little issues with Drew and James' friends. Drew seems a little braggy. I know she's probably love-struck, but you might want to keep an eye on that so it doesn't get out of hand. I also didn't care for the fact that Kieran and Toni sound perfect. Besides Drew, the first few characters you introduced all sound amazing, which isn't very realistic. Try to show some flaws!
Some grammatic errors: "It says here that to best friends are suing each other for get this 100,000 galleons." You used the wrong form here. It should be two, not to. "On a girl's weekend to Ireland" should read girls' since there is more than one girl involved. Also, I noticed that it also says "keep a them" during Lily's description of the lawsuit. I'm assuming this was a typo, and you didn't mean to have the a in there. Another typo/confusing wording: "she thinks lucky with the fact that you remembered her name" and "People moving around me I just couldnít believe what had just happened". You've also got some missing commas and periods here and there.

Author's Response: Hi:-) thanks for taking the time to read and review. Thanks ever so much for the grammar pointers, I will absoutely work those in to try and make the chapter better. Don't worry I will give my characters some flaws:-). Thanks again!!

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