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Review:rozen_maiden says:
So I saw your status on the forums a while ago and noted in the back of my mind to check it out - finally here I am (:
This was a great opening chapter. You introduced Charlotte really well, which is a must when writing an OC. I had no problems shaping her personality in my mind at all. It made it easy and very readable, which is a really good thing (:
With the start, though, I was feeling that there was a bit too much dialogue. I know its really hard not to start with dialogue, but maybe you could attempt to put in a little more emotions, so readers can really relate to everything straight away?
That said, though, after a few paragraphs you did get descriptive again, when you started talking about the family dinner. I actually really enjoyed reading that part into Charlotte's mind, and I hope to see a little more of that in your future chapters (:
This was truly an amazing start. I find it really hard to read some OC stories, so this was a nice, pleasant surprise. I can't wait to see some of the Slytherin traits come out in Charlotte; your summary has left me really curious as to where this is going (:
Thank you for the read, and I hope to be reviewing the next chapter soon! (:
Mahalia x

Author's Response: Hello Mahalia :)

I'm glad to hear that you had no probelm reading her and figuring her out as a whole! I loved writing her, her sarcasm makes my day ^_^

Thank you so much for the constructive critisim, it means alot! Yeah it is really hard to not start with dialogue, but I like to think that starting it with this particular story, brings Charlotte out more, throws her straight into the readers view so to speak! I wanted to show how she interacted with people, and hopefully show off her attitude in a way. I will take on the advice it's really great hearing it hun :)

Awww yes! I will definitely be getting into Charlotte's mind more, she's too fun to ignore!

Oh and the Slytherin traits will surely be coming out of the closet soon enough ;)

Thanks so much again, for coming by and reviewing, it was a pleasent surprise to say the least!

Lots of love

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