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Review:long_live_luna_bellatrix says:
Hello! You seem to have done very well here with James and Lily's younger selves. James is still annoying (jam suiting her hair), still a prankster, and still a nice guy underneath it all. You captured the uneasy relationship of a preteen boy and a preteen girl very nicely, especially the bit where James knew from fairytales that he had to comfort Lily.

You had a few gems: I liked the strawberry jam, as I already said, it was classic James. I also liked Frank becoming known as the boy who runs from flowers. :P

I think the thing for you to work in is wording, and flow. Many of your sentences were choppy or missing a small word, and it made it less enjoyable to read. If you read your chapter aloud, it may help you see what I mean. It's not always easy to tell when staring at a screen. ;) Otherwise, nice work!

Author's Response: Hey! Sorry for forgetting to answer your review! I am really happy that you liked the characterisation of younger Lily and James, I was very careful with that. :))

And everyone seems to like the bit about Frank. :) Maybe I should have included him more. :D

As for the missing words - I'll definitely go back and check! I've read it so many times, I cannot believe I've still missed words! Thanks for pointing it out :)

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