Hi there. You asked for a review from me, like ages ago but I had to leave that thread for closed and didnít get around to your story. Now that Im starting with it again, I though I should come back and fulfill my promise, so to speak, so here it goes.
You know, I just loved the prologue. I havent read many stories like this one, but I have to say that the first thing that got me was your main characters dark sense of humor. She totally had me laughing in the weirdest places.
The last paragraph when she compares herself with a soda can was very sad one, even thought she was trying to make it sound funny in a way. I donít know why, but even thought she sounded so miserable as the story started, she never one sounded like she was wallowing in self pity. She was actually very tenacious in being positive Ė this is probably the product of her sense of humor.
There was a really funny edge to Albus and Alices first meeting. I donít know who to say, but Iím almost as curios about Albus as I am about Alice. Where has he been really? I wonder why she thought of that time with James in Muggls Studies class? And why does he torture her? Is he just an arrogant bully or is he into her or something?
I havent read many next generation fics, and I can understand that this is yours and you can do whatever you want with it, but the way you made James act so mean in the third chapter... I donít know, I guess I never imagined someone could be like that, just for the kicks of it. Hes the son of Harry and Ginny, I just presumed that heíd be a little arse-ish but not a totally jerk. He reminds me of Draco. Anyway, Maybe its because its just the beginning, but he is very little relatable and I canít understand the reasons behind his actions so he seems very unconvincing.
And that thing with Aliceís sister was disgusting. I mean, how can you do that to your own sister! I thought sheíd be worried about her and try to help, not turn her back to her. Alice hasnít had the best of luck, has she? I know that youíre trying to portray a very unhappy girl, but try not to overdo it. I mean, getting rejected by your own sister sounds a little farfetchedÖ but maybe thatís just me, because Iím so really close with mine, even though sheís the outspoken popular one and Iím kind of the cynical bookworm.
On the other hand, I LOVE how Albus tries to contact her. It was so funny, LOL.
Author's Response: Hi there! Thanks for reviewing - I really appreciate that you got around to it at all :) And this was delightfully long, so now to write an equally long response. ;)
I'm glad you like the prologue! And yes, Alice does have a somewhat dark sense of humor. That's probably my favorite part about Alice as well. xD And Alice...well, she acts like she doesn't care, but she really does.
As for James, that has yet to be revealed. I won't say anything about that yet :P And yes, James is a real arse, but I think once I reveal his back story there won't be as much hatred towards him. I'll work on his character - thank you for telling me about his seemingly unrealistic personality :P
Alice's sister...well, they're not especially close, I don't think. I'll try not to overdo the unhappy girl image but sometimes the angst is just too tempting XD
Thank you so much for this long review - it made me really think about the characterization. I'll make a note of it for the future!