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Review:inspiredl says:
Heyyy, InspiredL here with your review as promised!

Firstly, I would just like to say thank you so much for being the first to post a story for my challenge (the other's have a lot to live up to now I'll tell you that!)

I've never read a slash pairing before but I loved this story and was completely taken by surprise! I thought he liked Dorcas and there was literally one line when him and Remus were talking in the apartment and was like 'ARGG, OMG, IT'S REMUS HE LIKES!!???' I was really taken in and I love the way you made the reader think he fancied Dorcas.

The dialogue between him and the older woman in the bar was superb, everything they said seemed completely natural- the way that she wouldn't stop talking to him and he wanted her to go away but was a bit drunk so told her a bit more then he should have. I really believed the conversation and was completely drawn into it!

As far as spelling and grammar are concerned I didn't notice any mistakes. There was one sentance that I think had a bit of a typo in but that was all (The woman said 'this story just keep getting better' and I'm pretty sure you mean 'keeps getting better'). It didn't disturb the flow too much, just thought I'd let you know so you can change it if you like.

The flow was wonderful, I didn't have to like force myself to keep reading because I got bored or anything. I was completely pulled into the story!

I loved the characterisation of all the characters (my favourite was the old lady because she was just so much like someone you would find hanging around in a bar). Sirius and Remus were also very well done and I have no complaints about them at all.

You completed the challenge wonderfully and the first line really fitted into the story (it didn't seem forced at all). I also loved how you kept bringing up the 'invisible man' thing in other bits of dialogue so it wasn't just a phrase used once that didn't really have much importance.

Overall, I'm afraid I can't think of any CC because it was a perfectly executed one-shot. I thought the ending was good and I am intrigued to know what you think would happen next with Remus/Sirius but I guess I'll never know! :'(

Thanks for taking part in my challenge and writing such a wonderful story!
Lily ^_^

PS- Wow, this is an insanely long review :S Sorry!

Author's Response: No need for sorry. :) Thank you for putting so much time and thought into a review! I really appreciate it.

I'm glad that I fooled ya. :) I was hoping that it would read that way, so I'm really happy that it came across right! As a non-slash reader, I'm so glad that you allowed it in the challenge. I know when I saw that line, I automatically popped up with this plot line. It was exciting, so thank you so much for coming up with such a clever and fun challenge!

Thank you for pointing that out! *goes to add the s*

Lol. The older lady was so much fun to write. Thank you so much for all the kind words. *blushes* Ah, Remus and Sirius end up together, of course. Couldn't have it any other way. I'm a very devoted Remus/Sirius shipper. :D

Thank you so much again!! --Jenna


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