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Review:Hyacinth Dursley says:
So far you're doing pretty good. A couple of pointers though, Watch your perspective, it gets confusing when you jump from she to I for the same person and back again. If you want to make it something she's thinking then use her name. IE: 'Wow, he's kinda cute. I wonder what his name is?', Hy' thought. I tend to reread books I really enjoy and see how that author handles things I want to do. Hope this helps, looking forward to hearing more from you! :)

Author's Response: Thanks alot for the review and the advice! Ill definetly keep it in mind :)

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