|Review:||Jackson Robles says:|
Right! So that two week turnaround has hopefully been thrown away and most definitely ignored completely. I am Jackson and I'm here to look over this lovely little prologue that introduces your story - A Sin With No Name! I enjoy that, it makes me feel like this story will be a tale of adultery - now, I know that's giving the sin a name and I most definitely DON'T enjoy adultery, but you will definitely have to excuse my rambling...
Let's start out shall we? I haven't reviewed since the Summer, so we'll see how this goes, right? I'm going to start off with little ... bit of observation. I don't have much of an opinion on whether these things are good or not (I'm not THAT guy) haha, but they did stick out to me.
You have a slight affinity for rather interesting sentence structure. You withhold what is perceived as the interesting (and in most cases a bit of irony, as I feel like the clever aspect of your writing is portioned in those cases) I mean these:
"The drapes were, in fact, shower curtains; the young couple couldn't afford the burgundy ones that fit Victoire's liking."
(twice in the following sentences)
"Picking out their home, too, was a decision on which Victorie had the final say. For Teddy, life would be about making his new wife happy.
At the moment, he knew what that meant."
The latter sentence exemplifies it perfectly! I haven't had a straight up English class this semester and I forgot the literary term for this style, but it is very potent when used sparingly, and in this instance it manages to condense itself in such a way that it makes reading feel like ... a report, but creative and pulls me in most easily.
Muggle, I think, should be capitalized. At least in the American HP books it always shows up as a capitalized word when I read -I suppose.
I liked the repetitive start of the final three sentences. A sincere sense of romanticism is changed then to foreboding just by those alone. That, I think, is my favorite part of this chapter. The switch from narrative back and forth wasn't adherent to the plot or flow at all! In fact, I much liked it. It felt, to me at least, like we were getting just the facts and quick points of a newspaper article, but in fact much better written than a newspaper article. ;)
Even the POV, though it was subtle, the piece was obviously through the eyes of Teddy and Rose. Which, considering there's a pairing listed as Teddy/Rose - I find that compelling. Also! Cort... such an interesting name to me. I think of 'court' - then I think of tennis and it goes into a list of Roger Federer and Andre Agassi (I think that's the spelling).
So! Structure was very interesting, especially concerning most sentences - it really added to the start drama (as it should, since you are introducing a heavily dramatic story). Characters are obviously well defined, although Rose is still foggy to me.. Cort is obviously a very good guy (in this prologue), Teddy was outrightly defined, as was Victorie... and it all works very well. I want to know more, and I have a feeling I know a slight amount, but I can see there's plenty I still want to know!
So.. good job? XD A very good job!
Author's Response: Wow, this is a wonderful review! I am so sorry I sort of dropped off the planet for a while. But I sincerely appreciate this review! You touch on some sophisticated things that I was hoping someone would pick up on. Thank you so much! I really appreciate your review!