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Review:LovelyMioneWeasley says:
Back again- found some more grammar issues.

My brother and father are the ones who get. --- Get what? Asked? Interviewed? This is an incomplete thought.

This is not how I planned.-- Planned what? Planned it, perhaps?

The old lady said that the Snow Whites room is here. -- add an apostrophe after Snow White

Speaking about family…is that old lady your sibling?-- Sibling is very much the wrong. Just ask if they are related to make it less awkward.

These were just a few of the mistakes I found in this chapter. You had more, but I think you need to get a beta to really read this and give you some tips for improvement. Your ability to write in English is very impressive; I cannot even imagine you not living in an English speaking country! Crazy!

Hester definitely grew as a character in this chapter. I'm glad to see that she is failing to take the perfect "ice" form that she is after. It gives her much more humanity and shapes her to be a better character to read about after all. I really liked her fight with the hag.

Albus was particularly intriguing; you introduced him well and gave the readers just enough information to make it interesting. James' appearance was well placed and well thought out. I like his gift for her; the bitten apple necklace definitely puts an interesting spin as the story continues.

I still affirm the earlier thoughts I had-- I think this idea is too big for simply a short story. I think this sotry needs at least a novella length to really give it enough time and enough words to allow the plot, characters, and emotions develop in a thorough manner. It is ultimately author's choice of course.

I really love your metaphors and the enivronment you created in this chapter. The raging storm is a really great parallel for the storm raging inside of Hesper. Please continue with the good work; it was a pleasure to read.

7/10
Lindsey

Author's Response: I think I'll might get a beta. I don't really want it. But I should. Again you gave me great ideas. Thank you.

-Vi.

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