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Review:maskedmuggle says:
Hello!
Here for your requested review! I'm sorry it's a few days late...

First off, I really enjoyed reading this! You definitely wrote it well, and the idea of ginger was very clever. You asked if it was realistic... why not? How is it not realistic? I think it's very realistic indeed.

You know.. during the entire first half of the story.. I thought this was Lily Evans! :P I didn't even realise it was Lily II even when you mentioned Uncle Ron.. I only realised after you mentioned Rose and Scorpius! Especially since you described Lily's attempt at trying to be friends with Claire and also her 'stubborn as a mule'. And even when you mentioned the two older brothers I was like.. did Lily have brothers?

Anyway, you did open the scene really well! The descriptions were really great, like this line, "Apple cider became a regular drink of choice and ginger pumpkins glowed in the twilight." Since I pretty much didn't find any major problems with your story, I'm going to be very nitpicky... sorry if I'm too harsh!

- "She removed the old books and began to prepare for the fall season." Prepare? What do you need to do to prepare for the fall?
- "Wind swept through Lily's copper hair, and her cheeks were flushed with the biting cold on her face."
This line seemed out of place. The way it was written made it seem like one second Lily was in the bookstore, the next, she was outside. Perhaps, "Wind sweeping through hair, cheeks flushing with biting cold." If you write it like this it also fits in with the same way you wrote the sentence before that, "The burnt orange and fiery red leaves decorated the cobblestone streets of Diagon Alley." which I like by the way!
- "The books and shop and the girls were the most company Mr. Voss had ever had."
I just think "The bookstore and the girls were the most company.." would be much better, since the books are IN the shop.
- "Claire paused from gathering her stuff to leave and her black cat eyeglasses now framed her eyes."
The two phrases don't join up. What about "Claire paused from gathering her stuff to leave and nudged her sliding black cat eyeglasses back up her nose." Eyeglasses are obviously worn on the eyes as well. You say that Claire is gathering her "stuff". What stuff would she even take to a bookstore? Just a bag wouldn't you?
- "Her job demanded much of her attention and often thought..."
Her job demanded much of her attention and thoughts...
Or Her job demanded much of her attention and often her thoughts...
- "...proved to yield a fantastic partnership with an out of this world number of profit."
The 'out of this world number of profit.' doesn't quite sit right with me. Perhaps "proved to yield a fantastic partnership with unforeseen profit."? Or something similar? You don't really describe profit as 'number of profit', and 'out of this world profit' doesn't quite make sense either.
- "Aye, you be right about that."
I simply can't imagine Lily saying that. It seems very out of place with all the 'normal' talking she's been doing, and then suddenly she says 'aye'?
- You are a bit repetitive. You mention the words old, a lot! And combined with mentioning dusty and ancient, both powerful words, it is very noticeable. Each time you talk about Lily moving the books, you don't have to describe them as old. Also with Autumn/Fall. I think usually people get accustomed to only saying one of them. Fiery is a powerful word too.. so I noticed you used it four times. Powerful words are good. They really get across the description. But be careful of how much you use, because sometimes it can be too much. Powerful words are noticeable. So using them three times, or even just twice (contemplate), will be noticed.
- "Marcy, Rose with Scorpius, Roxanne and her boyfriend, Gerald, and James with Lila." How come Roxanne isn't just 'Roxanne with Gerald'? Why the "and her boyfriend"? Surely all three couples were dating as girl/boyfriends before they got engaged? Singling them out just seems a little weird.

Okay I'm done! :) Now for the applause and confetti! I adored this, really! Very sweet story! As I said, the ginger thing was great. Making Charles a chef/bakery cook and having 'spice week' was clever. This is very well written. Be careful about the repeating of words, but otherwise, you use good imagery and adjectives! It flows great. The characters are great too. Nothing wrong there that I can see. By the way, your spelling, grammar and punctuation were ace! I loved how you had punctuation after every line of dialogue! I can't tell you how annoying some of the wrongly written ones are! :P I definitely enjoyed reading this, and sorry for the really long review! I hope it helps in one way or another! Thanks for requesting :) I'm off to do your next requested piece!

- maskedmuggle / Charlotte :)

Author's Response: Thanks love for all you outlined. I will definitely take some to heart and I may go fix a few of the reccomendations you made. Overall though, I think I'll leave as is and take the advice for my next writing assignments. I like to leave stuff up here as a reminder of growth and old preference. It has been a long time since I wrote like this but I LOVE my review. Thank you thank you thank you!

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