Hullo love- Lindsey here from the forums to provide you with a review.
I admire first off your glossary and citations; for one to acknowledge another's work or other sources provides a reader with a certain comfort to know that you are well read and well versed in more sources than just this.
I also realize that this story has to be quite an undertaking- for one, if you are going to venture out of the Potter realm, you have to have original characters, a well developed plot, and a realistic setting. You have to have a certain chemistry of all of these things and good luck to attract the attention deserved to a good story.
Bravo for writing and researching such a topic; TB isn't romantic but this chapter had a certain sense of romantic reality to it; I don't know how to describe it but there is something in the words that has a little bit of...magic albeit the cliche. That being said, the sanatorium is lovely and creepy and perfect.
I really like Nurse Jenekis/Jensis and her general character. She is believable and symapthetic while still being sour and hard to love. A feat to accompliash and balance; I hope her character continues to develop so well.
I think I have a good sense of Freddy but right now, I am so distracted by her struggle with TB and healing that I can't really find normal Freddy beneath sick character Freddy. Her joking with Healer Crane was clever and almost sad since she is trying so hard while still being sick. Her character is beginning to shine through but for a first chapter, Freddy may be a little lacking. To really hook a reader, you need to give them enough of a character while still leaving mystery. I think there is still a bit too much mystery for this chapter.
Now, Healer Crane, Healer Crane, he is nice and concerned about his patients. He gives them what seems to be proper attention and has devoted his entire life to being a Healer in charge as such an institute. That all being said makes shaky grounds for some questionable sanity and happiness. He reminded me of the doctors straight out of Shutter Island by Dennis Lehane. A well developed novel-- far better than the movie adaptation with Leornado DiCaprio which wasn't a bad movie in and of itself.
3000+ words is good to establish a good foundation for a plot and you have enough elements to keep things interesting; Freddy is a Hogwarts professor-how does that work in, Healer Crane is creepy but intriguing, how did Freddy develop TB, and finally, who is this mysterious visitor you end with? Overall, I see a very well written first chapter and major kudos for you in general for taking on such a feat of research and intricate detailing and relating to other works you've read [i.e. your Citations section].
I give it a 9/10 and I look forward to the next chapter.
Author's Response: Hiya Lindsey!
Oh my goodness! This review is so detailed and in-depth. I feel very spoiled. Thank you so much for taking the time to not only read my story, but also share your thoughts with me. I really, really appreciate your insightful comments, all of which were truly helpful. ^_^
I'm glad you found the glossary and citations helpful. I have to admit, I've always had a very strong interest in the history of tuberculosis, so the research for this story was really a labor of love. And you're absolutely right, TB is not a romantic disease at all. To be frank, it's horrific. However, there is that extremely strange aura surrounding tuberculosis. The Romantics and Victorians glamorized it and even today, in our modern world, most people think of "consumption" as dramatic wasting disease. In the end, I knew I wanted to portray tuberculosis accurately, but at the same time, it is hard to ignore the particular reputation the disease has.
I was also so happy to hear that you liked my OCs. Although canon characters do have rather significant roles in this fic, I would say that this story is mostly OC-focused, which I know can be a turn off to some readers. You're right about Healer Crane, though. He is definitely not a well-rounded person and I do think he lies to himself about his happiness. And I must say, I squeed when I saw your reference to Shutter Island. I am a HUGE fan of both the novel and the movie. Eve though I plotted this fic before I actually read Shutter Island, but I do think some of the later chapters were slightly influenced by Lehane's work. In fact, one of the secondary healers at the sanatorium was somewhat modeled after Chuck Aule's character. ;)
As far as Freddy goes, I suppose I should have mentioned that this story is a sequel. Much of who she is, her career as a Hogwarts professor, her history, etc. was the subject of my fic 'Consumed'. However, having said that, I can certainly see how she might appear lacking in this chapter. Although I tried to mention some of her back-story for the benefit of new readers, I really didn't do a thorough job if it, because I thought it might seem a bit repetitive in the overall arch of her story.
Again, thank you so much for the brilliant review, Lindsey! I absolutely loved it. ^_^ I hope you have a great week. Take care and be well!