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Review:LovelyMioneWeasley says:
LovelyMioneWeasley from the threads here to give you a review:

First off, no obvious grammar or structural issues. This is good because such things take away from the plot and story development.

Secondly, I would seperate the POVs from Katherine's and Scorpius'. Labeling them would make it easier for the reader to distinguish each individual's voice. I had no problem distungishing them as soon as I started reading but there were several sentences of confusion on my part. You wouldn't want to confuse your readers so labeling them is my best suggestion for that.

Thirdly, I do enjoy your OC. She is intriguing and has promise; her muggle background gives you lots of freedom to create conflict and interesting dynamics for her. Her reading and quiet qualities are interesting; please continue to develop her because the first few chapters are critical to either create a dynamic or flat character.

Next, Scorpius has an interesting development already. I admire the line about his being more comfortable around the Slytherins. Writers often create him to be horrifically and unrealisticly rebellious but there is an edge of rebel but still Malfoy to him. Bravo.

The best advice I can give about conflict is to continue to create the relationship between Scorpius and Katherine; delve into their history and perhaps the personal feelings on both sides a bit more.

Also, though, for Katherin's flashback, it was written in third person which I just find odd from the first person perspective. Memories are so individual that I thought it would be in first person as well.

I hope this was helpful; this story has true potential-stick with it!

LMW

8/10

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I agree, I wasn't too sure about that flashback and how I should do it. Knowing what other people think about it definitely gives me my answer! Thanks again!

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