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Review:gingersnape says:
Hello there gingersnape here from the forums with your review as requested!

First of all, I felt this was absolutely amazing for being out of your comfort zone. I tried and could not come up with anything nearly this good, so it really isn't that bad.

That said, you are right that something is a bit off in this writing. It feels a bit forced, but it also feels a bit like how a dream should be. I don't think it's bad writing in any way, but the way the actual sentences read in my head is not quite right. With a bit of editing and a thesaurus or a beta, I really think that element of not quite normal could easily be turned into something really fantastic.

Now, other than how the sentences actually came together, I have to disagree and say that I really liked this. The story was very enveloping and I was completely sucked in the whole way through. Once I got used to how it was told, I actually really liked it and was completely surprised to find out it was a dream. The description in particular really made this story for me because it pander a really wonderful picture for me and I felt a lot of emotion for James in the story.

Above all else, I really liked reading the brilliance of the various musings in the story. You had an excellent mix of emotional contemplations (The number of big words I'm using is astonishing considering I'm not using a thesaurus and it's nearly one... I feel I should be scared that some mustering disease has come and filled me with a good vocabulary for once!) and in the moment heart beating quickly sections. This story rely made me stop and think and then race ahead, which is a quality few stories have.

Spelling and Grammar: I did see a few things, but they were mostly typos and there weren't nearly enough little things wrong to take away from my reading experience.

Pacing and Flow: This felt very in the moment and like I really was running in the forest with James. As I said before, it did take a while to get used to, but then I really ended up liking how unique it was to read a story that was told like that.

Overall, I was really surprised by how much I ended up liking this and I hope I will get to read more of your writing in the future, because I absolutely love it.

Good luck in the challenge,
-ginger

Author's Response: Hey!

Wow. I can't thank you enough. Thank you so much for taking the effort to post such a long review, and thank you so much for all the nice things you said as well :)

I'm really surprised everyone likes this, because I myself don't. But maybe I'm looking at it too critically as the writer, and not as a reader. YES! Forced! That is the perfect word to describe it! I had to force myself to write this sort of, (out of comfort zone :L), so although i had a few plot bunnies, not a lot of inspiration. I'm glad you see potential in this piece to be even better.. and I'm going to consider a beta for this. And re-read it through to try and make the writing a little less forced!

Well, really, I just want to let you know that I really appreciate the time you took to read and review my story. So thank you so much. It's certainly been a helpful review! :)

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