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Review:libby103 says:
Hey! It's Liberty from my review thread on the forums!

Another short and sweet chapter. However, while it is still engrossing to read, it's not as effective as the previous chapter.

Anna's character is developed a bit when we get to see a little of her reaction to Charlie's writings. We also learn a little of Charlie's early thoughts of her.

The plot of the story doesn't move forward much, except to show Anna's time on the train and her sending out the owl. I took a little peek at the next chapter, and saw that she was already off the train. It was a smart move to cut it off, rather than having two completely different scenes in one chapter. However, you could've added something to this to make it a little longer and a little more interesting.

I still adore the show of Anna and Charlie's relationship though! Showing an early thought of her reinforces the fluffy aspect of it.

To get on to the, hopefully constructive, criticism.

Not really sure why you capitalized "goosebumps" in "She shivered slightly, ran her hands up and down her arms in order to get rid of the Goosebumps."

There's two errors in the sentence; "The carriage was occupied by one other person, a tall male with short brown hair who looked like he was ready to fall asleep but his eyes lighten at the sight of Anna." You change tense in the middle of this. You start out with the past-tense form of "seemed" and use the present-tense form of "lighten." There should also be a comma before "but."

Also, there's an incomplete sentence I noticed in Charlie's "Anna" book. "That girl, Anna." isn't a complete sentence, it should probably be joined with the next sentence using a comma. In Charlie's writings there is some lesser errors with incomplete sentences, but I think it's purposeful and adds to the story by giving him a personal style of writing.

Again, a couple of missing commas, mostly the ones that are used to connect dialogue with the speaker (sorry, I must sound like I'm obsessed with commas!) and a few capitalization errors that are common with people who use a word processor like Microsoft Word. After dialogue, personal pronouns should not be capitalized.

One spelling error, probably a typo though, "according to the dare above the entry Charlie had written it a week after their first meeting." I think you meant "date" rather than "dare."

You might want to invest in a beta, cos the second pair of eyes usually catches a lot of things we don't and if you're lucky, they'll be grammar freaks and spot everything from punctuation to capitalization.

I'm hopeful that this was, at least, slightly helpful...
I'm sorry! I'm really nitpicky about things... and this review is extremely long...again.
from,
Liberty (libby103)

p.s. I'm not going to review the next chapter, seeing as how I only promised two reviews. You also might be wiped out after reading these two...they're rather long. However, my slots aren't being taken really, so if you'd like me to review the 3rd chapter, just re-request on my topic.

Author's Response: Hey again!

Yeah, I wanted to sort of lighten it up, according to my cousin who makes a similar trip to Anna every year, the train ride takes six days.

I really love writing Anna because she's a lot stronger to some of my other character which is a nice change but she still has that hopeless romantic in there.

She's very slowly getting towards her destation, there's one more scene on the train before she arrives and the reason why she's leaving is revealed, sort of.

I think that was Word's fault, Oops!

Thank you for both lovely reviews, they've been amazing at helping.

x Ely

P.S. Trust me, when the reviews start piling up you'll regret saying that!


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