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Review:libby103 says:
Hi! It's Liberty from my review threads on the forums!

You said you just wanted someone's opinion on this, so I'm going to get to that first.

This chapter is short and sweet, but very informative. It tugs the heartstrings in the slightest due to your descriptive language, even before we know the characters.

You laid out the foundation for the rest of the story very nicely, giving us the basic information on the main characters and their relationship. You do this all while leaving us hanging about why Anna is leaving, we are left wondering about why Anna isn't safe with Charlie. There's an endless amount of questions placed in our minds with this chapter, and that gives us the right incentive to keep reading.

At the same time, you give enough information about the characters to get us a little emotionally invested. That's another incentive for a reader to keep going on. Anna's good looks and tough personality are a cliche that people love, the funny way she and Charlie got together, those get readers into the story.

While I love how short and sweet this chapter is, I sort of want to see Anna and Charlie's first date. Maybe in a future chapter? I don't know...

I also love how this is a fic about Charlie. We don't see enough of him, in my opinion. And I absolutely love the idea of him being with another dragon trainer. I'm not sure if this is done often, but this is the first time I've read it.

None of the errors I saw were obvious, but there were a few.

That was my overall opinion of the story, if you want, what's hopefully constructive, criticism, read on.

Grammar-wise, there were a couple of places where a comma would've been nice. "In fact for the first five years, she had hated Charlie Weasley with her whole being." There should be a comma after "In fact". I saw a few missing commas and if you're going to be editing this later, and would like to know similar places like this, feel free to PM me on the forums.

My eye caught no spelling errors.

However, there was a missing word in a sentence, and it made no sense if you read it slowly. "Charlie however didnít seem to get this message and had been punched, slapped, kicked and threatened several but still rallied her up. " The "several" is left hanging, if that makes any sense. I think you meant to insert "times" in between "several" and "but". There's also a comma needed before the "but."

So overall, I love your story so far. There's just those tiny mistakes, but other than that, I think that it's developing nicely.

Sorry this review is so long! And I'll be leaving you another one as well!
from,
Liberty (libby103)

Author's Response: Wow. Both my best friend and I are staring at these reviews speechless.

I'm not overly great at creating incredibly long chapters, not at least until I really get into the story.

It's not going overly well with readers at the moment as Charlie/OC fics aren't really popular but I'm really glad you like it.

I'll keep that in mind, I admit it'll be a lot of fun to write. I've already got a few plot bunnies stirring.

It's done quite a lot but I'm hoping that what I've done and plan to do is totally different to every other one.

Ah! Thank you, I'll hopefully find a beta in the next month or so to fix all those mistakes up.

Aw, thank you so much for being so kind and helpful!

That's alright, it's an amazing review!

x Ely


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