|Review:||Mrs Roonil Waslib says:|
First off, I love the premise of this story; pre-Hogwarts era stories exist, but are rare in comparison to the Hogwarts and post Hogawarts era. Fabian Prewett is not a widely interpreted character as well, so kudos for thinking outside the box!
I liked was the characterization of Molly - how she was tough and fought for those she loved from early on in her life. Also, it never occurred to me that she might have been well off, but as a pure blood, non-Weasley, it makes sense that she was. That was a new perspective, so thank you for that! I liked the relationship between Fabian and Arthur - it struck me as so... raw and beautiful that Arthur hugged Fabian when he first saw him, and that Arthur treated him like a man. Let's be honest, a 17 year old male is not typically treated with such respect from someone five years his senior. In fact, one would think that they would be at odds, with Molly loving them both so intensely but in opposite ways. The fact that Arthur could treat Fabian the way he (probably) felt he deserved to be treated was miraculous and refreshing; no unnecessary drama there. I like the sentence regarding what Molly was distinguished in - it provided some amusement for the reader. I also enjoyed the last sentence, but what truly struck me was Molly's final declaration to her parents: "If being a Prewett..." I loved that! That was intense and pure dialogue.
The wording at the beginning for a few sentences felt a little off; I'd suggest just reading the first two paragraphs aloud. If it doesn't flow when you hear it, it probably won't flow when individuals read it. Other than that, the only thing that stuck out was when Fabian said something along the lines of wrapping Bill's present "crappily." I'm not so sure that Fabian Prewett would say that, especially in 1970. I'd suggest replacing that with something along the lines of shoddily, etc.
One other comment I have is this: At the end, it left me wanting more. And I'm unsure if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but what I do know is something felt incomplete. You wrapped up the story nicely with the tradition of large plush toys, but the issue at the beginning of the story really had nothing to do with gifts; it had to do with arranged courtships. As a reader, I wanted to know - what happened with Gideon, when he showed up alone? what happened with the ball? was there a scene, like Molly's? how did the Prewett parents react?
That was unresolved and I don't know if it was intentional or not, but those were just my thoughts.
Overall, a feel-good read. The relationships and characterizations were great! Well done :)
Author's Response: Thank you very much for such a nice review.
I really appreciate all the nice things you wrote down as well as the constructie criticism you offered. I will definitly re-read out loud the beginning and figure out what is wrong with it!!! (and will apply this to everything I write from now on, thank you for the tip!)
I am kind of glad to read that you wanted more because I felt the same way after writting it. Now that some time has passed, I've decided I definitly will add at least one chapter to this story; most reviewer seem to agree too so I think it might not be such a bad idea after all.
Thanks again for your time and very nice words, I appreciate it a lot and will certaintly let you know when the second chapter is up!