Hello there, gingersnape from the forums here!
First of all, I really apologize for this being so late! From the holidays to the relatives, to the computer issues (oh well, I've accepted them, considering I refuse to pay more than $300 for a laptop. For the price, they are brilliant though!) my time has been sucked away. WHOOSH. See, there it went! I've probably scared you, so I'll stop now! =]
Wow. I really can't think of any other words for what I thought of this other than wow. I'm really stunned by how tightly written that was and how fast everything seemed to happen without it feeling rushed. That was amazing.
I'll start off with what you specifically asked about, and then move into some other points as well as flow, spelling, grammar, and other things like that. Now, onto the reviewing part of the review! =]
Is it intriguing: Yes! Absolutely! The suspense was nearly killing me as I was drawn into this OC who I know nothing about, other than that he's a Marauder era character, and that he presumably works for the side of good, as he repeatedly mentions the order. I was really filled with suspense when he was being followed, but was a little let down when it was only his wife. However, having his wife there did really add to how the second half of the chapter played out, so I don't know whether that slightly anticlimactic (smaller than slightly, really) detail was good or bad.
Does it work: Yup; it did everything that a good prologue should do, from giving readers a taste of the mood of the story to having something suspenseful that will make readers want to go on and see what happened, as it was just unclear enough to leave readers wanting answers, but not too unclear that it felt cluttered or incomplete.
Onto the nit picking, ego boosting, and other various comments that don't fit in the previous categories! =]
I was wondering why he had to run, rather than take another form of transportation, such as a car, a bus, or even a bicycle. It seemed physically straining, and felt like he at least had some time to plan, when he could have moved faster, more efficiently, and have been less tired when he finished if he had just used a bicycle or some other vehicle.
I really liked how he remembered what to do from his training wile under “attack” because it shows something about him, that he didn't panic or forget something when he might have needed it. He does seem fit for the job and you show that well through the little things like that.
Just wondering, but why was his wife bleeding? Did he really hurt her that badly while taking her down, because she was hooded and seemed to have been completely covered from her description.
I really really loved how his wife had the mixed emotions and didn't quite understand what her husband was up to. It really brought out some of not so nice and super cool (well, none of war is really super cool, but some things sound cool or interesting, and when you're fighting for good, people sometimes assume they won't get hurt and since the people are fighting for good (that's a loaded term...) they shouldn't get hurt) qualities of a war and it added a level to the story, by having something like that to think about as I was reading it.
Spelling was pretty good, as was grammar. There were a few things, but a read through could solve them. As for flow, I think this was very smooth., The different things transitioned nicely and the whole thing didn't feel too rushed or too slow.
Happy holidays (whatever holiday you celebrate I hope it was/is/will be good!) and I'd really like to see how this turns out,
Author's Response: Ohhh goodness! I don't even know where to begin with my response haha. Thank you so much, ginger, for putting time and effort into this review for my story, I really appreciate it :) Like REALLY appreciate it. And no worries, I completely understand a hectic holiday. My computer also suddenly failed on me too. I'm sorry about that! You didn't scare me either haha.
Awesome! I'm glad the prologue worked to set up my story and that it was suspenseful! I'm always worried about my ability as a writer to capture and entertain an audience, so I'm glad that this prologue seemed to work for you in that sense. This makes me happy :)
To answer some of your concerns/questions: He was running because he was trying to pretend to be muggle. Uhm so I thought this would draw the least amount of suspicious thought from anyone. Obviously, I did not consider a bus or train haha. But he is magical through and through and I don't think Christoph would have known a bus route too well. Hopefully, er, it's a stretch. Plus, running helped him get a sense of his surroundings. But I definitely see your point about physical straining...I didn't really think that through to an extent XD
Claire was bleeding because she nicked her head when she fell. For some reason I always thought cuts on the head bleed a lot more than other areas. Maybe I am wrong...
I'm glad you got the sense that he filled his position well and my story had a level of depth to it already. This makes me very excited to continue. Even though Christoph doesn't return for quite some time. Oh, and I will take a fine toothed comb to this chapter before I post the next to catch those little mistakes. Thank you again! So very, very much! I hope your holidays went well too!