Here to review you from the forums.
First thought… wow. Wow! Really incredible story! Written very well, had me engaged from the beginning, a thoroughly enjoyable read!
Well, plot. Obviously the whiskey is a fantastic idea, because there's no way Hermione/Draco would be acting like that otherwise. The idea of it being a 'game' was very good, made it even more realistic. I liked when you set this scene, when Ron was with Lavender, great idea, and it then made sense for Hermione to actually get drunk in the first place. Was the party for the whole school? Or just Gryffindors? I wasn't quite sure about that. If it was for the whole school - well, I'm not sure Dumbledore would allow it, but just Gryffindor - how come Draco was there?
Anyway, you write very well. I loved these lines, absolutely classic!
“I didn’t see you in the Great Hall, didn’t want to join the party?”
“I’ve always thought that the private parties are the best ones.”
“I must give you credit, this room is beautiful, is this where you bring all the girls?”
“Only the ones who are brave enough.”
Your characterisation was obviously way off canon Hermione/Draco, but you explained it with the whiskey which was great! I hate unexplained Dramiones where they suddenly fall in love/kiss for no reason. We could still get a sense of the canon them - Hermione was very determined to win the game, which is very plausible.
Spelling/grammar/punctuation is great! I only spotted three small mistakes.
"...always look out for the quite ones,” I think you meant QUIET.
“I must say this you, well it suits you,” Sentence doesn't quite make sense, and even in its context it seems out of place, disrupting the flow a a bit. Perhaps you meant "I must say this suits you," ?
“The dress does help of course,” This is just one thing that some people are kind of iffy about for Hogwarts stories. WHY is Hermione wearing a dress?! She should be in black robes, like any other day. The only time in the book where they don't wear black robes is on the Hogwarts Express, and the Yule Ball (contrary to what the movies sometimes show). Anyway, just something to think about - though it is a great line for Draco to say.
For a first fan fic, any fan fic, this standard is really high. I truly enjoyed reading this, you wrote it very well. And obviously, I love all the action between Hermione and Draco! Hope this review helped in one way or another!
- maskedmuggle / Charlotte :)
Author's Response: Thank You for reviewing :)
I knew that I needed an excuse for Hermione acting the way she was and also a reason for her not to be disgusted when she found out it was Draco and I thought Fire Whiskey would be the perfect choice and I'm so glad you agree.
I did think after I re-read the story once it had been validated that I probably shoud have explained the party in more detail. It was a party for the whole of Hermione's year, a sort of celebration for finishing school. I omitted heavy description of it because Hermione wasn't particularly bothered about it, she was just focussed on Ron and Lavender. It was kind of just a basis for her being able to drink the whiskey.
Yes I did mean quiet ones *facepalm* and I thought I'd proof-read it thoroughly. As for the one where Draco says it suits you, it was meant to imply that Draco liked Hermione when she was drunk and had no inhibitions.
The reason I put Hermione in a dress was because I just didn't think describing her wearing robes would fit the mood of the story and the fact that their was a party going on. With Dramione I do 'tend to employ a few of the well known clichÃƒÂ©s, I can't help it :)
Again Thank You for your review, it has really helped. I love getting long, detailed reviews
Firefly910 aka Callie :)