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Review:leaney says:
Leaney from the forums here!

To begin, I love the plotline and I simply can't wait to read your later chapters! I like that you chose to go with MollyII instead of Rose or Lily. It definitely gives your story an original element. I personally haven't seen many MollyII stories so I got very excited to read this. As far as grammar/punctuation goes I only spotted a few things. There are a few misplaced commas which weren't distracting at large and a few too many brackets for my liking.

I really liked the way you translated this story into the magical realm. Also, the humor in this chapter was done quite nicely. I literally chuckled whenever I read, “Rose, letting Scorpius Mafloy feel you up under a willow tree, does not mean you are a slut..." and the part about Jozlin overhearing their "whorish ramble." Haha!

What I would really like to see more of is general characterization. I think you have an amazing plot going for you and a really awesome set of fresh next gen characters to play with. I'd truly love to make them your own and develop them. I'd like to see more description and more background. Who is Molly really? What is she like? What is Rose like? Even give us more on Jozlin and her ins & outs. Give us just a smidge more detail/polish the rougher bits in your dialogue and you're golden. It'll enhance your story and give it a stronger foundation. Overall, an interesting chapter! -scurries to read next chapter-

-leaney

Author's Response: I am gald you liked it =)

I agree that I do need to work on characterization and I do rush a bit!

Thanks for the lovely review!


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