I loved this! It actually pains me to see it only has four chapter reviews. This is one of the most original and quirky pieces of fanfiction I have read in a while! I love stories like this, which are based on canon characters and it has always amazed me at the ideas that people come up with!
I adore your writing style. Your attention to detail is impeccable. I think you have a real gift, your comedic timing is brilliant! Those tiny details make the story excellent. I always get a bit star-struck almost with stories I really love and never know how to phrase what I'm trying to say! ;)
Your description of scenery was lovely, I could see the places vividly in my mind- and yet it felt natural, if you know what I mean? Not forced. The way you introduced the story with the description of the park was brilliant, and seeing Dehli through Rolf's eyes was incredible (I sound so fake right now... sorry! I'm being sincere, promise!)
This comes across as so well-thought out. What you've done with the wizarding world seems extremely canon, as if it were straight out of HP.
It's the little things that really stuck out for me. The muggles who couldn't get to the portkey place, and the way Rolf caught sight of a mother dashing away just before he left. I'm so glad you put details like that in! The awkward half-handshake between Luna and Kanwal. It gives the story a really light feel and makes it seem so much more three dimensional.
I loved your characterization of Luna! She wasn't overly dreamy, which is a trap I would fall into, or eccentric - she was calm, honest and approached things with that child-like acceptance Luna always had in the books. Her dialogue was spot on! I loved her interactions with Rolf. It's clear that Rolf was really fond of her, while still appreciating her eccentricities (umm... probably didn't spell that word right... or invented it... oops). The dirigable plums line was lovely :D
And I lurved Rolf's characterization. His emotion was so real! I really believed in his nerves, again those little details like wiping his palm on his trousers. I liked his inner-conflict. He felt so real and so likeable and so-gah, can I just marry him? ;) His dialogue was perfect and I loved his little passionate speech about the might Stubster.
Did I mention how crazy I am for this plot idea too? It's so refreshing! It's a very original idea and whilst this chapter wasn't serious, you haven't created something that's 100% silly - I feel like it's already got depth and suspense. The whole shifty Kanwal business really builds suspense and adds drama to this first chapter :)
Grammar was perfecto, give your team of betas a pat on the back eh? Haha.
Man, I love this song and you have done it justice.
Overall- a brilliant story introduction! I'm already in love with the characters, hooked on the plot and ready to read more...
Really really enjoyed your writing style - 10/10!
Author's Response: Hey um, I'm not sure if you're around anymore or not, but it truly pains me that I never responded to this, so I'm just going to do it.
This is absolutely one of the best reviews I could ever have imagined, and it is was actually one of the things that made me want to pick this story back up and finish it. I can't tell you what it means to me that you liked this so much, and noticed all the little details I put into it. (Now it's my turn to feel like I sound fake).
I am also relieved, and so pleased that you think Luna came off well. She's one of my favorite characters, and so hard to get right. It's really nerve wracking even attempting her.
I'm not sure what else to say besides, thank you, thank you, thank you for writing this!