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Review:Olwyn says:
Hey there brain twin :D
This piece is pretty interesting, I rather enjoyed it. :D

I love the snurfs. Are they snurfs or smurfs? I don't quite get that, but its funny.

I really love the feeling that Dom has in the beginning, where she wants to be beautiful. It's a really strong feeling that a lot of people can relate to. I think you should expand on the fact that she's always been hot, never beautiful. It really gives a lot of insight into the character.

I think that you should add something that is a line that explains a bit why Dom can't let Lorcan think she's beautiful. Maybe something like," ...maybe, she thought him beautiful too. But that wasn't allowed, she couldn't think that." Just a thought, to provide some foreshadowing.

Speaking of foreshadowing, the Dom at the beginning doesn't seem like the Dom at the end. Pregnant Dom and hot Dom do not match up very well, and I think you should adjust that. If Dom is pregnant (which she is, duh), then she really would be more worried that the father of her baby is falling for her baby cousin.

I love love love Lorcan. Your characterization of him is perfect. :D

It's a great story, really beautiful. A lot of it is really relatable.
-Brain Twin :D

Author's Response: thanks so much brain twin! ill have to edit it with your suggestions and stuff :) i did realize the foreshadowing thing and how she cant think he's beautiful after reading your review, and ill be sure to adjust it. thank you twin :D
and i made Lorcan perfect? Awesome!
thanks so much!
-brain twin :D


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