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Review:celticbard says:
Hi baletgir!
I thought I'd drop by from the Review Chain thread over on TGS to take a look at the next chapter of this fic. ;) James certainly is lazy, isn't he? And so is Fred! I feel a bit bad for George. It seems like he's got quite a handful there. I also enjoyed the scene in which George tells James to drop the Uncle and call him Mr. Weasley instead. It's nice to see him adopting an air of professionalism.

Now, on to my nitpicky comments. You did a good job of staying in the same tense throughout this chapter, however, it was in a different tense than the previous chapter (chapter one being in the past tense, chapter two being in the present). I would suggest you find the tense you are most comfortable with and use it throughout the story, otherwise, the switches from chapter to chapter can be quite jarring.

My only other complaint regards the content of this chapter. In my opinion, nothing really seemed to happen. James started to work for his uncle, stacked some boxes and then went home. It wasn't the most interesting thing to read about, if I'm being entirely honest. As a reader, I would like to see more happen. Maybe Fred and James accidentally break something important, or James tries to work the cash register and ends up making a mess of things. Also, some more description would really make this chapter shine. Does George still look the same or has he aged? What about Fred? What does the shop look like? Smell like? Is it noisy? Adding these little details would really help bring your readers closer to the characters and the story as a whole, I think.

Other than that, this chapter was well-written. I'm glad I had the opportunity to read it and I look forward to your next update. Until then, take care and be well!

Best,
celticbard

Author's Response: Hahaha, Fred and James. Yes they are quite lazy. I think that's why they get along so well with one another.

Ahhh tenses... How I hate them. First I am fully aware of the change from chapter one to chapter two. I think I took on too much with writing in 3rd person and past tense both for the first time in the first chapter, I decided that I should just try to work on one or the other for the rest of the story.Every chapter from here on out will be in the present! I am planning on going back and rewriting chapter 1 to make it more cohesive. But thank you for the comment on that, it will hopefully motive me to work on Chapter 1.

It was kind of boring huh? Thanks for bring my attention to that. I guess it was a kind of filler chapter, but much too early. I like the idea of them doing something wrong to get a bit of action into it. I think I may go write something where George can do some yelling...

I am so glad you thought this chapter was well written and are considering to read more!
:)BaletGir


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