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Review:Meg_ says:
Oh wow. I would not call this chapter a filler. This is most definitely not. Haha.

Again you need more description. These are just actions. I need thoughts, feelings, EMOTION! The only place I wouldn't put thoughts/feelings/emotion is this last bit with Ginny and Draco. I might beef it up description wise, but you definitely got your point across clearly enough with that scene! Well done.

Now you have a few grammar problems. Here is a good example: "I forfeit," she said with a smile, "you win."

That should be written as, "I forfeit," she said with a smile. "You win."

You have to add periods with the person completes a sentence that they are speaking. The comma is only used in dialogue when adding the "she said with a smile".

Anyway I generally like your plot and you've definitely established that there's multiple feelings and pairings. I think you need to gradually invite the reader into your pairings though. Sometimes the shock factor is a good idea. Like Hermione's dream that at first did not appear to be so. I was like, "Hot damn!" but then I realized it was a dream. So that immediately builds upon what you wrote in the previous chapter. The whole Malfoy and Ginny thing was again another shock factor. I may actually keep that but I might add a look or two or a mention of Malfoy in the first chapter or something. That way you have a reason for suspicion as a reader. I do have to say that the shock factor was still good for both. I personally am just a little hesitant to put two really hot kissing scenes in the same chapter from different couples. That doesn't mean I wouldn't ever do it. I'm just saying that by having the two in there you may be overloading the reader because right now it's like BAM! Hermione loves Harry still! BAM! Ginny is secretly cheating on Harry with Draco! It's just a lot of drama-ers to take in with one short chapter, ya know what I mean?

Granted, sometimes those chapters are very very necessary to set your story so I guess it just depends on how I see these next few chaps. You still have great dialogue and good characterization... maybe minus the Ginny cheating thing, but we'll see how you spin that before I judge.
~Meg

Author's Response: Yeah I was kind of going for the BAM! factor when I was writing this chapter. And thanks for the grammar tips...I never seem to have a perfect chapter lol. Well I hope you enjoyed the chapter at least? lol

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