Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:EvanAsh says:
Really, really sorry for taking so long with this, first of all. I missed my chance to have the first review! But ahhh, well... blame my RL, it's been quite inconsiderate lately. On with the review!

I'm writing this as I read, to save time since RL still has me a bit crimped, so corrections and praise are in chronological order:

I love the choice of character. I honestly don't think I know anything about Fabian Prewett and minor characters are one of the greatest joys of fanfiction. I do have to wonder why his parents aren't aware of Vespera's activities, if she really is so bad. Wouldn't they at least be aware of her parents, since Dark Lord affiliation seems to mostly go with the family? Or are the Prewett parents a bit purist themselves, in which case... what happened to all their kids? XD I also find it highly unlikely that the cruciatus was used. It's an unforgiveable, remember: they'd be sending her to Azkaban already. Possibly threatening the Hufflepuff with one?

I don't think the sentence "taking a pose, like the models took in muggle magazines," needs the Muggle qualification. From what we've seen of the wizarding press (everything from The Daily Prophet to Witch Weekly to The Quibbler) it seems to mirror the Muggles quite faithfully, so I imagine their magazines probably employ models in much the same ways.

I love this line: M a big bo-ther now! XD Actually, just everything Billy says... (Completely agree with you about the name, by the way. Little boys don't make good Bill's.)

Overall, I really, really love this story. In places, I thought the domestic bits dragged, and that you could have made your points with less detail, but on the other hand, it is pretty much a domestic story, so that's probably just my personal tastes showing through. It's a great story, and I'm actually adding it to my list to read your other stories soon. XD

Keep up the good work!

- Evan

Author's Response: Hi! sorry it took a while to answer back but I really want to thank you for such a nice review.
I agree with your position about the unforgivable; didn't think that one through I guess! I will definitly make the correction. As for the 'muggle pose' that too will be changed, thanks for pointing out this wasn't necessary.

I'm glad you liked my 'Billy' characterization; it's so hard to write little kids!

Thanks again, yes, it is kind of a domestic story; I hadn't seen it that way at first but now that you point it out, it is the feel I wanted to give this story; to show that even though a war is creeping up, family moments can be enjoyed.

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 325
Submit Report: