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Review:iamlilypotter says:
Hey, it's me from the forums! Sorry for the long wait, but here goes!

I like your writing style, and have almost criticism! Just a few things...

"She was incredibly thin, mainly because she loved going for long walks outside, Her skin was pale with a few freckles." You may want to either change the comma to a period, or uncapitalize Her. Just a small grammar thing, not a big deal.

Also, I felt your description of Lucille was a little choppy. I understand the short, staccato sentences thing, but maybe make all of them that way or none at all? Sorry, I'm nitpicky :P

Overall though, very nice! And I like that they met Tom...very interesting!

Author's Response: It's alright!

Thank you very much for your lovely review I will defintely fix those things up.

x Ely


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