I can't believe that this was one of the reviews that got deleted. Must have been the use of the f word, but that makes the quote. I can't make this family friendly. It would just be so wrong for this chapter.
This is pretty much my favorite chapter that you have ever written. I love the ones that make me laugh until I cry, but this one made me FEEL until I cried. Every time, I have tears. The emotions are so well written and everything is just so real and raw! If anyone ever asks me for an example of your talent as a writer, I'll just point them this-a-way. You are able to maintain humor:
At the moment a cheesy soap opera was on with overacting and plots that went for days. I smiled, took a bite of my breakfast, and concentrated on who slept with whom and why someone had a baby without sleeping with anyone.
Okay, she slept with her daughter’s fiancé. He tried to cover it up by pretending he had a baby pre-engagement—who was that lady? I had no idea. It was too complicated to hold my attention.
He was such a jerk, how dare he look dishy in my mind!
“Just because things are organized doesn’t mean they aren’t fun.”
Alicia nodded. “Yeah, of course. Planned croquet activities are a blast.”
But there is also so much emotion and really heart breaking stuff:
“I tried to be a decent girlfriend—that’s all I wanted to do. You lot are lucky! You got to see your boyfriends during the school year even for a bit. You got to see them daily and have lunch out by the lake or snog or whatever you were doing—I didn’t. So finally we’re launched into this summer, right? I’m in this relationship with this bloke I’ve hated for years and then I can’t even see him—then his parents think I’m riffraff and he doesn’t have money but he takes it out on me and I make him toast and bloody F___!” My chest was rising and falling so rapidly I could barely breathe and I grabbed onto the windowsill. “Did you know I unpacked his flat when he went to practice? He showed up at my door one night soaked and we slept on the sofa and guess what? Dad actually liked him, stupid prat. Dad should have seen right through him—I’m inconsiderate, am I?”
“Who’s the one going on dates with Quidditch daughters with all this money and fame that mummy just f___ing LOVES to death? Not me! I wasn’t late to any dates and—oh, sorry, Jane, I forgot we were supposed to have dinner. Why don’t I just round you up some tuna? Do you even like tuna? NO? Oh, all right—why don’t you just eat the dustbunnies under the sofa?” My grip on the sill grew tighter and my arm started to shake. “He took me on a date, did you know that? We went on a date to Hogsmeade and it was stupid and formal (talking about forks and all that) and then we left and went to the Quidditch pitch.” I choked a bit. “Went to the Quidditch pitch and sat and ate our food and talked. He snogged me under the mistletoe after Roger broke up with me. We got drunk in the Astronomy Tower with red wine and he made me brownies and my f___ing GOD I thought I was falling in love with him!” My back fell against the sill and I sank down to the hardwood, tears falling from my eyes and my head stung.
Someone sat down beside me. “You know what? I thought he loved me. I think he almost said it once—that he loved me. On the train. And the way he looked at me—that pompous f___ing smirk and the way he looked at me. I think I might have loved him.” I choked out a loud sob, pulling my knees to my chest and closing my eyes so tight they hurt. “I think I loved Oliver. F___, f___, f___, I’ve been living in this stupid dream world for the last few days—good riddance, that’s what I said. He’s a jerk and I know it and I might have loved him and—f___. What do I do? Make eggs.”
I mean, that is just some real, quality writing in itself. But if you add it to the rest of the chapter, it really hits you. And added to the whole story- WOW! I really can not sing this chapter's praises enough. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it.
Love the girls- best friends anyone could want.
Love the symbolism of the nail polish. Nice connector throughout the chapter and into a later chapter. The nail polish really is probably what makes everything work so well in this chapter. Seems small, but made a big difference for me.
While not as funny as other chapters, it is my favorite! Perfection! Really.
Or Super mega gigantic number/10
Author's Response: Aw, that's sad. I'll save this one just in case. This chapter is my ultimate favorite for Hide & Seek. It's funny, tragic, emotional, and warm. I like that.
I'm sure you know this, but it is the most amazing feeling when a writer hears someone has quite literally cried during reading. It is so amazing, and thanks for that :)
I'm glad you like the nail polish! It wasn't planned and just sort of happened.
thank you so much for the review! I really loved it :)